Page 32 of Everlasting Love

I narrow my eyes. “Enough of the disrespect, Evan.” His chest heaves as he works to catch his breath, and I lay my hand on his shoulder. He tries to bat it away, but I hold steadfast. “Talk to me. What’s going on with you?”

“Nothin’s going on with me,” he snaps, trying to step out of my hold.

“This”—I circle my finger around him—“whateverthisis … isn’t you.”

“How would you know? You’re never here anymore.” Ouch! I crouch down so I’m at eye level with him, but he turns his head to the side.

“I’m sorry I haven’t been around as much but all you have to do is message me and I’ll be here. Whatever and whenever you need.” He shrugs, keeping his face averted from mine. “If you want me to come around more, I’ll make the time and effort for you.”

“It doesn’t matter, anyway.”

“It matters to me.Youmatter to me.” He turns his head so he’s facing me, and I have to school my expression at the glassiness in his eyes. I wrap my arm around him and tug him into me, and the floodgates open. He sobs into my shoulder, and I drop to my knees so I can hold him properly. I sense this has been building inside him for a while now.

His body shudders and he takes in a deep breath. “I’m scared I’m gonna forget him,” he murmurs into my shoulder. My stomach drops to the grass beneath us and my heart stutters. “Some things are getting harder to remember. And when I seemy friends with their dads … I … I get jealous. I know I shouldn’t but I can’t help it.” He draws away from me, swiping his hand beneath his nose. His eyes, which are exactly like his father’s, are red and puffy. “What if I forget him?”

“Then you ask me and your mom to tell you about him.” I rest my hand on his shoulder and squeeze.

“I try not to talk to Mom about Dad because it makes her too sad.” I nod. I thought Hope was doing better, but maybe she’s just become better at hiding it.

“Well, you can talk to me. Any time. We won’t let you forget. I promise you that.”

He drops his gaze to the ground. “I didn’t think you cared anymore.”

I sigh. “I always care, Ev. And I’ll always be here for you. I may not come around as often because I wanted to give you guys some space to get on with life and maybe that was a mistake.” I squeeze his shoulder again. “But it doesn’t mean that I don’t care because I do. I always will, no matter what happens or how big you get. I’ll always be around.”

He gives me a tremulous smile. “Thanks, Shane.”

“No problem. When things get on top of you, talk to me or your mom. She’s worried about you.”

He nods. “Sorry.”

I tip my chin up and ruffle his hair. “How about we go inside and see if we can score a slice of cake?”

His eyes light up and his lips spread wide. “Sounds good.”

We make our way inside and while Evan heads to the bathroom to wash up, I find Hope in the kitchen. When she turns to me, I can see that she’s been crying but she gives me a shaky smile. “Thanks, Shane.”

In three short strides, I have her in my arms and she melts against me. “You don’t have to do it all alone, Hope.”

Her hands grip the sides of my shirt as she nods against my chest. “Yes, we do. We can’t keep depending on other people. This is our reality and it’s time we get used to it.”

“I know you think you need to do it all. That you think you’re being too reliant on others, but you didn’t ask for any of this. You never planned to be a single mom, raising Evan on your own. You thought you’d grow old with your high school sweetheart and that was stolen from you. You’re allowed to struggle and grieve and ask for fucking help, Hope.”

Tears quietly stream down her pretty face and her lip quivers. “I-I just feel like it’s been so long since he’s been gone, and I should be in a better place by now.”

Fuck, I feel those words with every ounce of my being. “There’s no timeline for grief, Hope.”

“I know,” she murmurs.

Evan barrels into the kitchen. “Can I have some cake?”

Hope wipes her eyes, averting her face from her son. “Sure. I think you earned it after all that training. You were looking pretty good out there.”

“Yeah, Shane made me work pretty hard.” And we’re back to the Evan we all know and love.

Hope makes a smoothie for Evan while I make us both a cup of coffee. She slices the chocolate cake and places three decent-sized pieces on the table for us to enjoy. “I’ll be back in a moment.”

“Is Mom okay?” Evan asks the second Hope clears the kitchen door.

---