Page 27 of Everlasting Love

“I don’t want to fucking work through this,” I explode. Jumping to my feet, I stalk toward Nix.

He rises but keeps his posture relaxed. “How could you have prevented the attack that killed Wyatt? How was that your fault? I was there too. I was the officer in charge, and I let you guys play with the kid while on patrol.” He tilts his head to the side. “Explain how you’re the only one to blame so I understand.”

“I should have known that kid was hiding something when he sought us out to play with him just outside our camp. I should have warned Wyatt not to play soccer with the kid. It was off. The whole thing was fucking off. But I didn’t listen to my gut.”

Nix drops his voice low. “And Wyatt would have laughed you off, man. He loved playing soccer with the kids because it helped him feel closer to Evan. You know this.” He reaches up and squeezes my shoulder. “It was his little piece of home, and he wouldn’t have walked away from that kid begging him to play. You need to move past this.”

Air rushes out of my lungs in a gush, and I bring my hands up to rest on my hips, dropping my head to study the padded floor beneath my feet. “I don’t know how.”

“For a start, you need to put the blame where it belongs. And that’s at the feet of the assholes who packed that bomb and sent a kid to blow himself up to take out half a dozen soldiers.” His voice rises. “They’re the ones to blame. Not you. Not me. Not even that damn kid wearing the explosives. Put the fucking blame where it belongs, Shane.” He squeezes my shoulder to the point of pain. “Wyatt wouldn’t want you to carry this burden. It wasn’t your fault.” I risk looking at Nix’s face. It’s full of compassion and understanding. “There was no scenario that day where you are to blame for anyone’s death or injuries. Let it go, soldier.” He pauses. “Same goes for what happened to Cassia and Sam. None of it was your fault. Let that go too before it festers and eats you alive.”

The backs of my eyes sting, and before I can stop them, tears escape and roll down my cheeks, dropping onto the mat beneath my feet. They flood from me, releasing years of built-up pain and blame in rivers that coat my flesh and burn a path from my very soul.

Nix doesn’t move. Doesn’t say a word. Doesn’t release his grip on my shoulder. He stands with me as I break apart.

Exposing my pain.

Releasing my burden.

Shedding my guilt.

When the tears finally subside, I wipe my face with the heels of my hands and run my fingers beneath my nose.

“Thanks, man.”

He silently nods and then walks away, leaving me alone. I suck in a deep breath and another and another until I feel more composed. Grabbing my boots, I slide my feet in, then collectmy shirt and make my way outside to climb in my SUV to head home.

My phone buzzes with a text,interrupting my morning coffee.

Toby

Hey, man

Would you mind bringing Violet to the hospital?

I don’t think she should drive on her own

Me

Sure. I’ll leave shortly

How’s Cass?

Toby

She’s sore but I’m thankful she’s alive

Thanks, man

Me

Do you need anything?

Toby

A change of clothes would be great right about now

I check the time. Visiting hours aren’t for another couple of hours, but I’ve missed seeing Poppy and Jasmine—let’s not forget, Violet—so it won’t hurt to head over a little earlier. I shower and dress, then grab my stuff and drive to Toby’s place to collect what he needs.

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