Page 21 of Everlasting Love

“Exactly,” I murmur. I’ll never understand how she doesn’t blame me for her husband’s death, but never once has she laid the blame where it belongs. She doesn’t even blame the kid who had the explosives strapped to his body. The kid I trusted on several occasions because … well because … he was just a kid, and we’d spent numerous hours playing with him and his friends. A kid who was probably about Evan’s age if I had to guess.

Her small hand reaches across the table, aiming for the top of mine, but I snatch my hand away before she can make contact. I don’t need her sympathyorher compassion. What I want is for her to blame me. Get mad at me. Hate me. But she doesn’t get it.

“You’re allowed to be happy, Shane. To build a life and have a family. Wyatt would hate that you deny yourself the way you do.”

I shake my head. “Can you stop already?” I snap and stand abruptly. “I need to go.” I spin on my heel to say goodbye to Evan and then feel like a complete and utter asshole all the way out the door. I couldn’t sit there and have Hope lecture me for the umpteenth time about how I should live my life. I felt as though I was going to crawl out of my skin. I can’t look into her perpetually sad eyes and watch her son without being swamped with guilt so strong I feel like I’m drowning. But I can’t leave without ensuring their safety, either, so I position myself opposite the door ofDeclan’s Dinerso I can keep an eye on them. When they leave, I watch as Hope notices my car stillparked in the lot and looks around for me before she climbs in and drives home.

I ringthe doorbell at the usual time and wait. Not a single sound comes from inside. Normally, I can hear the girls, but I’m greeted with utter silence. I press the button again and try to peer through the stained glass inlay of the front door. Finally, movement catches my eye.

“Uh, hi, Shane,” a muffled voice calls through the heavy door. “I’m sorry. I forgot to call you this morning.”

That sounds like Cassia. “Is everything okay?” I call out.

“Uh, no. We all have the stomach flu—all five of us. We won’t be leaving the house anytime soon. I’m sorry you came all the way here for nothing.” Shit, that’s not good.

“That’s okay. I don’t mind.” I wonder how sick Violet and Jasmine are. “Can I get you ladies anything to help?”

“No, I don’t think so. Thanks anyway.”

Damn. “Okay then. Bye. I guess I’ll see you guys whenever you need me over the Thanksgiving break?”

“Thanks for everything. We’ll be in touch. Bye, Shane.” I step away from the door, my phone in hand ready to text Toby. “Shane,” Cassia calls out.

“Yeah?”

“Can you please let Toby know we’re all sick and Poppy won’t be at her lesson today?”

Already on it. “Sure, Cass. Take care. Bye.”

“Bye, Shane. Thanks.”

I climb into my SUV and shoot Toby a message.

Me

Cassia and all the girls are sick with the stomach flu

I wait for a while to see if he wants me to do anything, but a response doesn’t come—which is not uncommon for Toby. It’s early so he may not even be awake yet, especially if he was up late working in his studio. I start the engine and make my way across town to his home. Traffic is heavy, and by the time I arrive at his place, I need to flex my fingers several times to release the tension from holding the steering wheel. People drive like goddamn idiots, even in rush-hour traffic. Parking my car in his garage, I make my way upstairs, checking the studio first. It’s empty with sheets of music strewn across the table, so I head downstairs to his lap pool. Sure enough, he’s swimming, something he tries to do whenever he has the chance. He says it helps him focus. I stand at the edge of the pool and wait for him to notice me.

Two more laps of the pool and he finally spots me—the guy’s not great with being aware of his surroundings. He stops at the edge of the pool closest to me and rests his arms on the edge. “What’s up?” He wipes the water from his face.

“I went to get Poppy for school but all the girls are sick with the stomach flu. I messaged you but you must have already been in the pool.”

He pushes up and out of the water and I hand him the towel that he had lying close by. “I need to go check on them.” He dries the excess water from his body as he strides inside.

I expected as much since he’s been spending so much time with Cass and Poppy. “I’ll take you when you’re ready.”

“Thanks, man.” Toby gets ready in record time and we stop at the market and drug store on the way to pick up the essentialsfor the girls. When I pull into the driveway, Toby climbs out of the car before I can turn off the engine. “I’ll call you if I need anything.”

“Sure.”

He slams the door, and I wait until he’s inside before I leave. I envy my friend because he can go inside to look after his girls, something I don’t have any right to do but wish I did. I hate the thought of the girls being sick but the thing I hate most is that I can’t protect them from this. I can’t make sure that Violet and Jasmine are okay. I can’t care for them the way they deserve to be looked after. I have to trust that Toby will look afterallof the girls, not just Cass and Poppy.

After all, this is the way I want it, right?

Iwantto be alone.

Don’t I?

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