Page 79 of Stolen Kisses

Her mom speaks before Emma can get any words out. “Isn’t it lovely that Theo came to visit? Now, your dad and I are going to head home. You’re in good hands here.” She stands, kissing Emma on the forehead. Mr. Stanfield’s looking at his wife as though she’s grown another head. I rub my hand across my mouth to hide my smile at his confused expression. “C’mon, Love. Let’s go and let Theo have his visit.”

He stands from his chair wordlessly, kisses his daughter before whispering something in her ear, then follows his wife out of the door. Mrs. Stanfield winks at me as she approaches me, tapping my forearm with her hand, she whispers, “Good luck.”

John tips his head, giving me the universal sign that he’s watching me by pointing two fingers at his eyes then pointing them at me. Once they’re gone, Emma turns her head away from me, so I take a seat in the chair.

“How are you feeling?” What a stupid fucking question. She’sjust had surgery as if she’s going to be feeling fantastic a couple of hours after.

She rolls her head on the pillow so she’s facing me. Her face looks like thunder, her perfectly shaped eyebrow raised at me. “I feel trucking peachy.” Her voice is husky. “Thanks for asking.” She rolls her head away from me so she doesn’t have to look at me any longer.

“I’m sorry. It was a stupid question. I realized after it was out of my mouth. You know what I’m like. I’m always saying the wrong thing.” A deprecating laugh escapes unbidden.

Without looking at me, Em quietly asks, “What are you doing here, Theo?” Her scratchyvoice is soft.

That’s a fairquestionI guess. “Can you please look at me and I’ll explain?” I wait for her to turn her head toward me. Her eyes are almost a muddy brown today and she looks defeated. I want to take her hand in mine, but I don’t think the gesture would be welcome at this point. “I came over this afternoon to apologize to you for my behavior all those months ago.”

Her eyes widen at my words. “Took you long enough,” she snaps out on a huff. “Why now?”

I scrub my fingernails through my scruff. “I realized something yesterday. Something huge and decided I needed to make amends and go after what I want.”

“What did you realize after all these months, Theo?” she grumbles.

“Firstly, I realized that I’m an asshole. But you already knew that. Secondly, that I’m allowing past hurts to steal away the possibility of an amazing future. A future with you andyourboys. A future as a family. The five of us.” I release a heavy breath. “I’m sorry my apology and subsequent explanation for my behavior has coincided with your surgery. I had no idea what was going on when I knocked on your door this afternoon.”

“And what? You expect me to forgive you and go back to where we were before?” She rolls her gorgeous eyes. “Not happening any time soon.”

“I don’t expect you to forgive and forget any time soon. I’m prepared to put the work in, Em. Can I please explain? I think it may help you understand why I reacted the way I did. Not that there’s any excuse for walking away from you the way I did.”

She swallowsandnods—that’s all I need. I take in a much-needed deep breath to fortify myself for what I’m about to share. I still find it so hard to put my losses into words. “You know I lost my mom and sister.” She nods again, her face softening a little. “I …welost Mom when I was eight and Anna was ten.” Emma gasps. “She was only thirty-three.”

“Oh, Theo. I’m so sorry.” She places her hand on my forearm in support. She probably doesn’t even realize that she’s done it, but it feels amazing to have Emma’s touch again; I’ll never take it for granted.

Covering her hand with my own, I continue. “I felt her loss deeply. Mom and I were close. Anna and Dad were always off at the restaurant together and I never really fit there, so I would stay with Mom. She understood I was different; that my heart wasn’t in the restaurant, even at a young age.” I tangle my fingers with Emma’s. “Then last year, we lost Anna.”

When I look at Emma’s face, tears gently track down her cheeks, her bottom lip quivers as she whispers, “Theo.” Just my name. So simple, yet so heartfelt. Using my thumb, I gently wipe her tears away. “How did they die?” she asks the question, her bottom lip trembling.

I can’t look at her as I swallow the excess saliva in my mouth. “Breast cancer,” I whisper, barely able to produce those villainous words.

She pulls her hand out from under mine, making my eyes snap up to hers. Her face hardens, and I can practically see her walls being constructed in front of my eyes. “I’m sorry you went through all of that, Theo. Truly I am.”

I plow on because I get the distinctfeelingshe’s going to shut me down. “When I felt the swollen area and saw the redness at the side of your breast—I panicked. Then when you brushed away my suggestion to get checked—I … I couldn’t do it.” I look deep into her eyes, my anguish pouring out of every part of me. “I can’t lose another woman to that disease. I just can’t, Em.” I shake my head. “I can’t do it to Kenny and I can’t do it to me.” She opens her mouth to speak, but I gently place my finger over her soft lips as more tears track down her face. “Anna wrote me a letter. She made me promise not to let past hurts stop me from future possibilities. I realized I pushed you away because I was scared of something that may never happen.” I lock eyes with my future, clearing my throat to ensure these next words come out clearly. “Please forgive me.” I take her hand in mine, kissing the back of it in apology. “I’m so fucking sorry, Emma. Please say you’ll forgive me.” Wetness tracks down my own cheeks. Sharing something so deeply personal is so incredibly foreign to me. Being this vulnerable leaves me open to being hurt.

She pulls her hand from mine again. I realize this conversation was too heavy for the moment. She just woke up after surgery for fuck’s sake. Long, silent moments spread out between us, wider than any canyon. I fear I’m not going to get the answer I want today. But that’s okay because I’m not going to give up this time. I’m going to fight for what I want.

“I’m really sorry for your losses, Theo. Truly. Nobody should have to go through what your family has been through.” She draws in a deep breath. “I want you to know that I forgive you for the way you reacted. It makes complete sense that you would respond in such a way.” She looks away from me for a few seconds, her eyes glassy, before locking her eyes on mine. “However, there is no future for us.” I try to butt in, but she holds her hand up. “Please respect my wishes. Maybe sometime in the future, we can be friends. But we can’t ever be anything more than that.”

My heart drops to my feet. My hope shatters. Her tone is sure and strong. Her voice doesn’t waver. I drop my head to my hands, releasing a long breath while blinking away the sting in my eyes.

“Goodbye, Theo.”

I look up at her as she swipes angrily at a tear on her cheek. She turns her head away from me. Should I leave or sit here to keep her company? Even if we don’t speak, at least neither of us will be alone.

I decide to stay.

Sitting back in the uncomfortable plastic chair, I stretch out my legs, folding my arms across my chest. Looking out of the window across the room, I see a couple of lights on in the top floors of nearby buildings. I focus my attention outside, away from the uncomfortable situation I now find myself in. I glance down at Emma occasionally, only to find she’s dozed off. A nurse comes in to check on her and I tell her how long she’s been asleep.

“Do you mind buzzing me when she wakes up? I need to check her pain level.” She holds up the button I need to press and I nod in agreement.

The sky becomes completely dark, more lights turning on in the buildings across the street, dishes clank down the hallway as the dinner service is delivered to the patients on the ward. My beautiful girl stirs. Her eyes flutteropenslowly, as she turns her head toward me. She attempts to sit up, crying out and wincing as she does. I jump out of my seat to help her, but she stops me dead in my tracks. “Go home, Theo. I don’t want you here.”

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