Page 73 of Stolen Kisses

My stomach clenches and rolls.

“I’m going to recommend you have a diagnostic mammogram, which may lead to a biopsy to confirm these results.”

“Oh, okay.” I’m honestly feelingshell-shocked. She said the word cancer. She’s talking about my breasts having cancer. “Uhm … is this serious?”

What a stupid freaking question.Of courseit’s serious. It’s freaking cancer. She said the word cancer when she’s talking about my breasts.

My breasts have cancer in them!

I need to take a breath. My head is starting to spin and I can’t afford to faint.

“Look. If it’s as I suspect, it’s easily treatable and the least serious of all the different forms of breast cancer. But … it’s very early in the diagnostic process. The diagnostic mammogram will provide a more detailed image and give your doctor a more accurate diagnosis. Once you have this scan, we’ll know whether you should go for a biopsy and be able to give you aformal diagnosis.”

The steadiness of her voice and no-nonsense explanation is somewhat calming. Maybe I’m overreacting. The approach sounds sensible to me. I don’t want them to miss anything. “Can you do that here?”

“Unfortunately, no. We do have a center about an hour away that I can book you into while you’re here.” Sheturns backto her computer.

“I’d appreciate it, thanks.” My voice sounds robotic, my brain going in a million different directions. I need to slow it down and concentrate. We make the appointment and I put the details into my calendar app.

“I’m sure this is a shock for you. Do you have any questions?”

I wrack my brain, I’m sure there’s something I should ask. “Was it caused by something I did? Am I going to lose my breasts?”

Delta stands, coming around her desk to sit in the chair next to mine. “It was nothing you did. Researchers are still investigating, but it’s believed to occur when DNA damage causes your healthy cells to reproduce at an uncontrollable rate. We don’t yet know what causes the DNA damage.” She pats my hand in comfort, giving me a gentle smile. “It’s too early to discuss possible treatment until you get the results from the diagnostic mammogram and possibly a biopsy.”

We both sit quietly for a moment when I remember that I was the last patient, and Delta’s probably waiting to go home. “Uhm, thanks, Delta. Sorry to have kept you late.”

“You haven’t kept me. I’m happy to answer any and all of your questions. Some things I can’t answer at this point, because this is by nomeans a complete diagnosis.” Her caring eyes and warm smile make me feel mildly better.

“I … I can’t really think of anything at the moment.” I huff out an uncomfortable laugh. “I think I’m in shock.”

Her face softens further. “Understandable, Emma. Look, thisisshocking news. But, in terms of cancer, this is possibly the least invasive of them all.”

“Thank you. I guess.” I stand, Delta standing with me.

She nods. “Good luck. Seeya, Emma.”

“Bye.” Itugthe strap of my purse over my shoulder, making my way out the door on shaky legs to my car. My hands tremble, and my legs feel like they’re going to give out beneath me. Leaning against my car, I take in some deep breaths, attempting to calm myself down. I can’t drive while I’m this upset. Blinking my eyes, I work hard to keep the tears building up at bay. There are too many to contain and I lose the fight. One tear, followed by another, and another begins streaming down my cheeks. I have to remind myself that she said this is the least invasive form of breast cancer.

But it’s not inherbreasts, it’s inmine. I have two boys who rely on me. I have to be okay, there’s no other option for me.

I look down at my boobs and I feel as though I’m looking at the enemy. I’ve always loved my breasts. They make me feel completely feminine. I love that I nourished both of my boys from my breast milk. I loved how much Theo loved them.

At thismoment, though, I hate them.

–theo–

Thanksgiving was a quiet affair—Dad, Kenny, and me. I couldn’t help noticing that Emma and the boys left quite early and didn’t come home until late. I wonder how they spent their day? I’m guessing they spent it with Emma’s parents, sister, and brother. Emma’s family knows how to make a celebration fun, so I bet it was a great day.

Dad is still pissed at me for what I did to Emma and the fact that I haven’t got off my ass to fix it yet. It’s been four months. At this point, we’ve been apart longer than we were together.The more time that passes,making amends feels impossible. I have no idea how to make it better, but I know I have to at some point.

I want her back.

I’m scared though—I’m man enough to admit it. What if something were to happen to her and I lost her, too? How would I cope?

My phone buzzes on the workbench next to me.

“Hello, Theo Drivas speaking.”

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