Page 64 of Live Like Legends

“You told me I died, Dad. Mom saved me and you think that’s something I wouldn’twantto know. Moira took my memories.All of these people that were involved in my past and I can’t ever ask them anything. I won’t get to know any of them.” I was talking more to myself than to him.

My father lowered himself onto the couch, putting his head in his hands. “I should have thought about the repercussions of the choices we were making, but Nicholas, I didn’t know what to do. And I know, I know this sounds like an excuse, but I promise it isn’t. I’m just trying to get you to understand that I wasn’t a forty-year-old man with time to think clearly.” He lifted his face to look at me and that’s when I noticed that while my father looked like he always did—a mirrored version of myself—there were tells that he hadn’t been sleeping, his eyes lacked their normal Maurice Cassial shine. Dani had mentioned once before that she could feel like something was missing when it came to me, when it came to my heart, since that day in the infirmary and maybe the same went for my father. There was a piece of him that was missing that was always meant for me and I’d removed myself from that spot for the time being.

He rubbed the back of his neck, giving me a hard look as if this was something he wanted me to understand. I remained standing, not quite ready to sit down. “I was not that much older than you with a son I had nearly lost and a wife I was about to have taken away from me. I didn’t mind the power transfer part, but I want you to know that I wasn’t fully supportive of Moira taking your memories. Your mother looked me in my eyes and begged me to do it before they took her away, there was no discussion, no pros and cons. The choices were I forget what she said and listen to you cry another night until you threw up over those sentries taking her away or I take you to Moira like she asked.

“And son, until you have children of your own, you will never understand what it’s like to have your child screaming and pleading for someone who is never coming back. I did whatI thought was best for you. Not forme. Foryou. I know you don’t see it that way, but at the start of everything it was just me and you. You had no more bad dreams, no more crying until your throat was sore. Moira had offered to take some memories from me too, but I knew one day I would tell you everything so I kept them. I wanted to handle all the baggage for you, so you could go on and be the person standing in front of me. I pushed through the tears and my own nightmares so that everything your mother wanted for you could be achieved. You deserved the truth and answers Nicholas. You deserved to know what an incredible person your mother was and I have a million stories I could tell you if you’d like, but if your trust is something that is no longer on the table any longer then I will leave you be but know I’m always here. I’ll always be your father, even if you hate me.”

Elise’s words came back to me, but I realized something about them was off.

Your mother made the decision she did. He was honoring what she wanted because he LOVED her Nick. Take pride that you came from a fucking man who honors his word even at the expense of his son’s trust.

He did love my mother but despite doing what she asked because of his love for her, Maurice Cassial did what he did because he loved…me. We both had fractured hearts from the same series of events but in different ways. I felt my eyes start to fill with tears again, but these weren’t the kind of tears that came from rage and hurt, these were from the overwhelming realization that I could understand where my father was coming from, but also be angry at the situation. There wasn’t a wrong or right way to feel about it.

I moved some of the items on the coffee table to the side, sitting down on the wooden surface. I pressed my lips togetheras I watched him wipe his hand over his eyes. “Are you leaving anything out?”

My father tilted his head to the side, running the back of his hand under his nose.

“Anything about the past, my mother, Jonah, anybody or anything?”

He ran a finger across his mustache. “I don’t know all that much about the man your mother was with before, the one who transferred his powers to her. Saving your life was the one and only time Scarlett had ever used those powers and we didn’t really discuss it further than that.”

I hummed, leaning back a bit. “What about…” I stopped myself before I could finish.

My father leaned in, placing a hand on my knee. The amount of comfort I felt from that one touch was profound. “No, what is it? From this point forward, I’m an open book. No more secrets.”

I gave him a small smile, but then it faded. “What about what happened to her?”

“Your mother? You mean how she died?”

I nodded, slowly. Did I really want to know all of this? Something in my gut told me I did, but then again, maybe some things really were better just left unsaid.

My father swallowed and shook his head, more to himself then at me as if the thought was too much for him. “I don’t know exactly what happened. No one ever really knew what happened to angels who disobeyed Jonah’s father or what he did with them afterwards. Only the guards at the Ethereal Bastille could hear screams and there was always apparently massive amounts of clean up. Jonah is the one who made those rooms soundproof after a while.” He bit his bottom lip, taking a deep breath. “The only thing I do know is that Isaac Zuriel apparently had a thing for angelic wings. I’d been told that he would have them ripped out, the open wounds burned closed so that healing would beobstructed.” He tilted his head down, squeezing my knee. “I wasn’t allowed anywhere near The Skies, but I tried. I had so many broken bones and bruises from trying to fight my way in. Jonah had no real pull when it came to his father,especiallywhen it came to me. He tried to talk to him but it was too late.”

I held down the bile that wanted to erupt from my throat thinking about that. I felt a phantom pain in my back from the very thought of having my own wings ripped out. I collected myself, removing the imagery from my mind. “And the person who outed Mom…did they ever tell the truth?”

My father opened and closed his mouth, mulling over his next words. “In a way.”

I raised an eyebrow, not really interested in any more evasiveness.

“Do you really want to know this?” He furrowed his dark eyebrows, but a look of concern fell over his eyes.

I ignored his question. “Did Jonah have something to do with it?”

My father looked off to the side, like he was remembering something. He blinked away from the distant memory and looked back over at me. “No, but from the way I’ve talked about him and the strain you’ve witnessed on our relationship, I can see how you would think that.”

I wanted to just be upfront and ask who it was, because the need to know was gnawing at me. Of course it was. I was realizing that some things were so far in the past that staying there might be best. If I had the information what would I do with it? I was quite the expert at spiraling and I was trying to work on that. “I guess I just want to know if this person was brought to justice?”

My fathers hand moved to my shoulder and something about the way he looked at me told me that he knew I would respondlike that. “Yes, Nicholas. Maybe not in the most violent form, which is what I would have liked, but justice nonetheless.”

My chest felt heavy, as I took a deep breath out. I hadn’t realized I’d been holding my breath until the weight of it started to dissipate. I opened my mouth to say something else, but then a sharp ringing erupted in my ears. I shoved my palms against them, closing my eyes and clamping my teeth together. There was a whooshing sound and then the ringing again, they interchanged as if one wasn’t enough.

“Nicholas!” I heard my father say, but it sounded so far away. He started to reach out to grab my hands, but once his skin touched mine it felt like my flesh was on fire. I hissed, leaping off the coffee table and backing away from him.

“Nicholas, what’s going on!” He yelled, reaching for me again.

“No, stop! Stop!” I screamed, backing up against the wall near the fireplace. I rapidly opened and closed my eyes, seeing images behind my closed lids. The pictures changed each time, starting out distorted and fuzzy but eventually clearing up. The colors and imagery were more vibrant and distinct. The high-pitched sound rang in my ears again.

I saw a flash of Dimitri’s face and his hand so tightly wound around Dani’s neck. She was up against a wall, the look on her face told me she was holding in her own screams. The image painted itself red with blood and body, after body, littered my vision. I didn’t recognize who I was seeing, but there was a pull in my chest that made me think it was my fault and I couldn’t make myself think otherwise.

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