Page 149 of Living Legend

I pull my lips into a hard line. "No, you aren't, but there is a piece of you that, beyond all the sex and jokes, thinks I actually might be the villain, that I might just go rogue. It's a small piece, but it's there, despitetrustingme. I get it, I do, but now you see an opening, you want to make me detach myself from the darkness in hopes that I make myself better, when in reality, you are just making yourself feel better." I licked my lips and laughed; it was short and almost came out like a bark. "Even if I was going to cling to my angelic powers and stay here for a while, it wouldn't change the fact that there is demonic darkness within me. You and I both know that Natalia can't just rip it out. Lilith couldn't remove the angel in me, so let's not pretend that Natalia could be any different."

"I'm just trying to help because I care. I care about my life here and my friends and I care about you. I went to Natalia because Icare, and yes, I found out something but…I mean…" He closed his eyes, as if he didn't know what to say next, how to help himself in this conversation. "You know that if I went to Purgatory with you, you would get looks and mocking tones and side eyes and that would piss you off." He was trying to make his point known, trying to solidify what I already understood. He was trying to hold onto whatever this is–was–with the thinnest shred of hope.

"I wouldn't give a fuck about anyone else. All those things are true, but I wouldn't care because I would be happy. I wouldn't change you to fit what everyone else thinks works. It's actually pretty simple, letting someone be exactly who they are despite everyone else."

He looked down at the floor, obviously not expecting my words. I meant them. I didn’t know what I wanted from Nick, but I knew how I always handled myself: with a no fucks given attitude. That was something Elise practically ingrained in me. I don't even know if I wanted to see where things went with Nick, but even if I did, I would always feel like I was molding myself to be what he wanted, just to make him happy, and then lose myself in the process.

I crossed my arms over my chest, heaving out a loud breath. "I can't say the same for you, though. You will always think something is wrong with me; you'll always know I could have beenmore. You'll pity me for not making the choice to change and be a more ‘superior’ being. The way I see it, I wouldn't want to be with you at all, because you're wanting to choose me for what Icouldbe, not what Iam, right now."

"You make me sound like a dick."

"If the wing fits."

"Dani…"

"Tell me I'm wrong then!"

He ran both hands through his hair. "Dani, I…fuck, I don't know, but yes, I care about you, I like you, and I want to explore things, but I…can't. I want to believe we can win this thing against Lilith and that you'll be alright in the end. When it's over and things about you catch on, they'll want you to decide. You'll likely have more than Natalia on your side when it comes to figuring out how to help, but they will also be in favor of letting your angel out to play." He fluttered his long lashes and took a deep breath. "I'm not telling you what to do, but I have to keep my ties. So unless you choose to see things the way I see them, then I guess you're right." He had a sullen look on his face, as if the words were ones he wished never needed to be said. There they were, out and floating around us in the thick air of want and regret.

Acceptance was something I'd always wanted in the demons I'd met in Purgatory and over time, I got it. Granted, that acceptance came with an ounce of alarm and panic, or a pinch of unadulterated lust, but it was there, and I prospered because of it. I hadn't realized how much I wanted to be accepted by the man in front of me until the opportunity for him to prove it arose. And he failed.

"I'll always be a demon, Nick, no matter what happens.Always. You only want to accept the part of me that seems right to you, to make things easier for you. I can't deal with that, so I'll go back when this is done. When Lilith is dealt with, I'll go back to my life, and you can go find someone worthy of this life you love so much. So, let's go to Oculus and figure the rest of this shit out."

I turned around to the door when I heard him let out a laugh that almost sounded like a cough, like he didn't want to laugh but it came out anyway. "With Elise?"

I swiveled my head a tiny bit to look over my shoulder at him. "Of course. What's your deal with Elise right now?" I remembered the tone he had when he mentioned her before. He sounded baffled then and he sounded the same right now. I didn't understand.

He shrugged, scrunching his lips up. "Oh, nothing. It's just funny, that's all."

I ruffled the back of my hair, turning my face away from him and facing the door. "Well now you're being fucking weird, but whatever. When I get back to Purgatory, I'll let Elise in on what's going on and we’ll figure something out. I'm sorry you won't be in the loop anymore." I started to walk towards the door again. "Can we please just go now?"

"You can't let Elise in on something she already fucking knows," he said roughly, as if he wanted the words to hurt. He sucked in a sharp breath in the next second.

I halted my steps, letting my hand slip away from the doorknob. I peered straight at the solid brown wood, my breath bouncing back at me as soon as it made contact with the door. My breathing was calm and determined a few seconds ago; now, it was hitched and rapid. My spine went ramrod straight and my shoulders tensed so hard, it hurt. The pain was almost soothing as my brain rattled with all the thoughts that ran through my head. The only one that mattered, the only one my mouth would speak aloud, was probably the most logical thing I could have said.

"What thefuckdid you just say?" I slowly turned around on my heels, placing my now-shaking hands at my sides. I felt my neck heat up, and I wanted to tear out all my fucking hair just to cool down. Those words jolted more of a rage in me than hearing I should have been an angel, more than learning this gorgeous angel in front of me couldn't want me for who I was. No…this was something else, a feeling that I hadn't felt before.

Nicholas looked stunned now. I don't know if it was at my face, at the expression I had, or if it was the words he just let fly. He wiped his hand over his mouth, as if collecting himself.

"Dani, that didn't—I meant that…"

I cocked my head to the side. "You meantwhat? What did you mean,Nicholas?"

I practically heard him swallow, his eyes flickering a bit at my tone. "I just meant that…Elise…she, fuck." He ran his hand through his hair, causing small pieces to stick out.

I stalked over to him, the anger I felt distorting the colors in the room. All I saw was red. I grabbed him by his shirt, fisting the material. "Elisewhat? What does Elise know?"

I pulled the shirt tighter, and he grabbed at my fist, pressing his fingers between my own to try to break my hold, but it was no use. I could feel myself wanting to cool off just at his touch, but then the overwhelming surge of anger hit me, and I pushed it aside. In my periphery, I could see black smoke coming from my ankles and sliding up my calves. Nicholas looked down and saw it as well, letting out a heavy breath.

"She knows everything. She knows about you, about what Lilith did. She's known this whole time. Dani, calm down." If he thought admitting it to me was going to calm me or make me see some sort of reason, he could fuck right off. The smoke was wrapping around my thighs. It was dark, but translucent. If you didn't know what you were looking at, it would seem harmless, but in reality, it was anything but.

"And you just left that part out?" I pulled him closer to me, tilting his body down.

"I didn't see a point in telling you. She seemed pretty keen on keeping the information to herself. It doesn't matter, Dani, just let it go."

I raised my eyebrows at him. I felt the black smoke curl around my arms and slither over to his shoulders, around his neck and up his face. He looked from side to side, trying to keep an eye on my darkness. He was slowly starting to panic, but underneath his obvious fear, there was a hint of concern.For me.

"You want me to let it go? You don't let go of betrayal, Nicholas." I could feel that familiar darkness started to claw its way through my skin and bones. I knew the minute my eyes started to fade over to their muted black. I could see it in his face. I used the lightest push to fling him to the other side of the room, watching as he hit the wall with a thud. Nick's eyes remained closed for a minute as he regained his bearings. He looked behind him and noticed a small dent in his wall. He rubbed at the back of his head, quickly trying to get his words out.

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