Page 148 of Living Legend

I breathed out a weary sigh. “Nick, as much as I like you, I’m going back. I guess I'll learn to live with what I know about myself.”

“You don’t have to do that, though. Yes, there might not be a place in Heaven’s Gate for you, but come on, Dani. You really want to go back to that hellhole withEliseand keep pretending you're something you aren’t? That’s quite possibly the most ridiculous thing I’ve heard you say.”

I gaped at him. “This is what Iam, Nick. You can tell me truths about myself all day long, but at the end of the day, I am still a demon, right here, right now. No amount of fucking information is going to change that. You really seem like you want to fucking change that. I’ve already told you no.”

He gave me an incredulous look, as if what I said was an obvious statement. “Of course, I want tochangethat. I want you to be what you were meant to be. It's only right. It’s only fair.” He sounded sincere, he really did, but something in his voice gave me the impression that he wanted those things for me, but he didn't want itjustfor me. It sounded like he wanted it for himself as well: the way his eyes softened the minute he gazed at my face, the way his fingers twitched a bit as if he was eager to touch me but thought better of it.

I crossed my arms over my chest. It wasn’t cold in his room, but I felt myself shaking. “You’re right. It’s not fair that Lilith took that away from me.” I gave him a pointed stare that had me burning my eyes straight into his. He was handsome in a way that almost took my breath away. I wasn't going to lie and say that I didn't like the way he looked at me. I knew he didn't pity me, but I was highly aware he now placed me in the angelic category, which I didn't really like. He wanted me to forget who I was, what I've always been, wanted me to be something else. I really listened to the things he had to say and something about it made me just a tiny bit…angry.

“Nick, let me ask you something.” I tilted my head to the side. “Let’s say I entertain you and decide to stay here. I live in Oculus, free of thehellhole.” I paused, his eyes glued to my lips as I spoke. “What happens if I can’t grasp that angelic power inside of myself? What if I can’t expel this dark energy and I just have to remain what I am? This soul ripping demon everyone knows me as?”

Nick flicked his eyes from my mouth to my eyes, narrowed and waiting. “What the fuck are you talking about?”

“It’s a solid possibility. You make it seem like there’s a way to fix everything and wrap it up in a tight little bow. You think you live in a world where everything works in your favor, but sometimes it doesn’t. Honestly, I don’t think you could handle that…”

“Dani—”

“Not when it comes to me.” I pushed myself up off the bed and maneuvered my body so I was in front of him. I leaned down and placed my hands on his knees and parted his legs. I wiggled my body between them and watched as his eyes never left my face. He looked a bit unbalanced at my movements, but his eyes started to melt into that dark brown molten heat. In my periphery, I could see him place his hands at his sides and noticed him grasping the edge of the bed while his knuckles turned a pale white.

I brought my face down to him, which wasn’t too far since he was so fucking tall, and let our noses graze one another’s.

“Tell me something, Nick…” I let my breath hit his mouth and my voice drop to a sultry, slow tone. “If I stayed and got a handle on being an angel of some sort…if Natalia could somehow fix me, if we figure this all out, would you want a future with me? All that mushy, together forever, unconditional nonsense?” I licked at his lips with my tongue and felt his head lean towards mine. I slipped my hands up his thighs and tightened my grip on his legs.

“I don’t know,” he answered, but each word came out close together, as if he was trying to get everything out in one breath.

I squeezed harder on his thighs, sliding them up again, letting my fingers graze his inner thighs. “Yes. You. Do.”

He pulled his hands away from the bed and wrapped them around the backs of my thighs. “Possibly.”

“Hmm..” I moved one of my hands, sliding it up his chest and around his neck, letting my thumb play along his Adam’s apple. “You’d make me your pretty little girlfriend, so prim and proper like the others, I’m sure. I'd probably start shitting rainbows out of my ass.”

He didn’t speak against that; he just looked at me. His eyes were still filled with lust as his hand traveled further up my legs to skim underneath my ass.

I pulled his face closer to mine, but I slid my face around the side of his cheek and let my lips dance along his ear. "What if that doesn't happen? What if I stay just like this, keeping that angelic power tucked away? A demon straight from Purgatory with a long list of blood and torture following her." He gulped and I felt it right against my palm. "Could you handle that? Would you still want me? Would your best friend still see you the same way when you're with me? Are you prepared for all the skeptical looks and whispers behind your back when you walk across that pristine lawn of The Skies?" I licked his earlobe, noticing the way he shuddered and pulled back. I cupped his chin and forced him to look at me. "No, Nick, I don't think you are."

He narrowed his eyes at me. He looked like he wanted to argue with me, but then something in his face softened, as if he was taking in my words. He was finally seeing everything I laid out. I loosened my grip on his face when he started to speak. "You love to assume things, don't you." It was a rhetorical question, I knew that much.

"It's not an assumption. It's a fact. That pretty angelic heart of yours wants to make it better. You want to makemebetter, and that's fucking noble, but I will never be exactly what you want. I will choose one over the other." I pushed his face back and shimmied myself away from his body. "I've spent too long down there to forget it all. Despite how I felt sometimes, I reveled in what I was doing. I was thrilled for every soul, every scream in my direction, every single cry for help. If that makes me a monster, then so be it, but I won't fucking apologize. As fucked up as it sounds, it helped me get out of my head when I was terrified. People feared me, but they also fucking loved me, and that will never go away, no matter what you do!"

He let out a loud groan of annoyance. "I'm not going to accept that because it's not what you are!"

"Fuck! It is!" I practically screamed. "It is. I can’t just sayfuck offto everything I've ever known. The fact that you will never understand is a damn shame."

"I'm not going to apologize for wanting a better life for you!"

I shook my head, placing my hands on my hips. "That's sweet as always, but you want to know what I've learned from this whole conversation?"

He tilted his head to the side, expectantly.

"That you haven't had to consider what me staying here could mean. I was always going to be a good little demon and go back to where I belong. You got your rocks off and enjoyed yourself, but a little fun was all it was. You liked me just fine, maybe decided it might be nice to talk and get to know me a little bit, but now, now that there is a beacon of hope for me…now you want to reevaluate, allow me your attention outside of your bedroom. You want to think about life beyond this whole fucked up mess we're in. You can deny it all you want, but there’s a small inkling in the back of your head that is wondering what would happen if this," I gestured between the two of us, "wasn't temporary."

He opened his mouth to protest, but I extended my arm out in front of me and pushed my index finger up, telling him to be quiet. "You would want me to forget about this dark side of myself becauseyouthink I'm something better now, something that will just erase everything I've ever done, something worthy of your time and affection. I can't see myself wanting that, so that changes things for you. You erase all thoughts of a future when you consider me staying likethis, when you consider my past, when you think about last night becoming a regular thing for your people to poke and prod at."

"You are putting words in my fucking mouth!"

"Admit it! You think because I have a fucking chance to live what you claim is a better life that I am somehow worthy. Did you just decide to give into the demon fetish you were harboring every time you fucked me? You were slumming it with me last night, but now you have to buckle down and hold yourself to a higher standard?"

He started to walk over to me, but I stepped away. " Dani, The Skies, Heaven's Gate, they all have a standard that I have to live by. I'm just trying to make this easier. I'm not the villain in this." He spoke the last part with what sounded like gravel in his tone.

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