Page 147 of Living Legend

I let out a small laugh that wasn’t reciprocated. My laugh bounced off his exterior, which was as serious and unreadable as a brick wall. “That was always the plan. You are aware of that, right?”

“Yes, Dani. I was always aware, but…”

I squeezed his hand. “This changes nothing.” He was trying to insert himself in a situation that didn’t involve him. “What it sounds like is that you are trying to make up for something that isn’t your fault. It’s really shitty you weren’t able to stop her but sitting here and trying to make it seem like I’m so much better than thatplaceis useless, so save your breath.”

“Alright. It was just fucking awful seeing you like that. Seeing her take advantage, I just…I fucking hated it. You haven’t had a choice. You might not be able to stay forever, but I’m sure I could get them to let you stick around, sort shit out and whatever.”

I smacked my lips together and gave him a smirk. “You just mean that you want me to stick around because you want to keep fucking around, right?”

“Uh, no. That’s the last thing I’m thinking about.”

“So you’re saying that if I stayed, you wouldn’t be interested in continuing to have sex?” I questioned, letting go of his hand and leaning back.

He opened his mouth and his eyes darted around the room, as if something in here would magically come to life and save him.

“Yup that's what I thought,” I said, reaching up and patting his cheek. “As much fun as fucking you has been, that can’t be my reason for staying. I don’t even know why you’re talking about a future that might not even happen.”

He pulled his eyebrows together in skepticism.

“Lilith might win. You have to take that into consideration. I’m all for optimism, but Lilith is one of the best, so I wouldn’t be too eager to think we have this in the bag.”

“I guess I’m just super optimistic foreveryone.”

I ran my thumb over his lips. “Maybe.”

He reached up and quickly traced the spot. Silence stretched between us. Neither of us knew what to do and I knew he wanted to have all the answers.

I could see why he was sad at watching my light flicker out. I didn’t know what I would do if I was in shoes, but in classic Nick fashion, he wasn’t taking it well. I was never the type of creature who wanted to be saved. It wasn't that I thought I didn’t deserve it, but I didn’t have much time to consider if I even needed saving at all. When I’d woken up in Purgatory, my past was lost to me and I could only focus on what was in front of me. I would be lying if I said I hadn’t almost shit my pants wanting to get out of my cell and be…well, saved.

After all the noise in my head settled, when I kept telling it to shut up and leave me alone, I had let Cullen pull me out of my cell and help me discover my new self, in my new environment. Then I had met Elise and instead of wanting to be saved, I felt stronger, destructive, powerful. Every kill, every soul… each time would fuel me, but each time, I would feel a little sad, as if some place inside the heart I hardly knew would break a little. How ironic is that?

I would have delved deeper into my own head if I hadn’t felt a shadow over me and the softest lips kissing my own. He had his palm on my cheek, his kisses slow and searching, as if he was trying to get me to understand his feelings. Feelings for the situation? Feelings for me? That part was all still a little hazy.

He couldn’t have feelings for me.

What happened last night was raw and real, and it was something I would take with me once I left this place, but it couldn’t mean anything more on a deeper level. It couldn't, right? I’d had plenty of one-night stands with demons and I’d walked away satisfied and indifferent. I was never as harsh as Elise when it came to my noncommittal feelings, but I made sure no one was confused about what was happening.

With Nick, I was satisfied—verysatisfied—-but I couldn’t say my indifference came from the same place as all the others. I would be lying if I said I didn’t want to keep sleeping with him, but I would also be lying if I said staying here was a good ideabecauseI wanted to keep sleeping with him. I liked him, but did I like him enough to take his statements about staying seriously? Friends with benefits didn’t seem like his vibe, so my mind rattled from what exactly he would gain. He would get my body but knowing what I knew about him…I don’t think that would be enough.

Was that enough for me? Fuck. This is what his mouth did to me. This is what happens when our lips touched and, fuck me, I was starting to give into thoughts about us without this dark cloud of an ominous future looming. That dark cloud was because of me, and he didn’t need that. He didn’t deserve it. He deserved the life he had right here, not a life trying to make others see me how I wasmeantto be seen. Why was I threatening to give into something that would ultimately just fuck up his life? He was a solid fuck with probably the most perfect cock I had ever seen, an all-around good guy, but it would be selfish for me to keep him to myself. Fuck, I wanted to keep him to myself.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

I needed him to understand, fully, where this would end up. He couldn't rely on me to stay. He had Reese. He would find some girl who would take up his time, an angelic masterpiece, not a girl damaged by the vicious agenda of a malevolent woman.

I pulled back, just as he started to graze his hand up my thigh.

“When this is all over, I’ll end up with what I had when I came here. That’s my dignity and Elise,” I said, a bit breathless.

Nicholas licked his bottom lip and gave me a questioning expression. “Elise.”

“Yes, Elise. As much as Reese may not like her and as much as you fiddle with disinterest towards her, she is one of the few people I can trust.”

“Trust?” The one word came out like a loud, harsh bark as he cocked his head back.

“Do you have anything else to say other than one-word replies?”

He placed his palm face down on his comforter. “Not at the moment, no.” I could see how he was clenching his teeth, as if he was holding back something physically hurting him.

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