Page 142 of Living Legend

"Nicholas, I hope you aren't blaming yourself for any of this. It's not like you knew she was going to be there."

I walked over to the door and placed my forehead against the cool wood. "I know, I know. It's just hard not to think about it like that."

"I'm going to retreat back to my earlier question, which is why would Lilith do this in the first place? She clearly didn't need Dani to breach the portal, so why has she been harboring her and making her into this soul ripping weapon? What does one have to do with the other?"

I let out a groan. "I have a really bad feeling we’re going to find out."

Natalia remained silent, as if willing me to speak plainly.

I didn't turn around to face her. "She told me that whatever she was feeling, whatever she was hearing, was like she wanted to go towards it, but thought otherwise. She pushed away her own angelic power over and over again, even when it was battling for dominance.” I finally turned around but stared at the ground. "Natalia, what if all that light magic she has goes out at some point?"

Natalia shook her head. "Like I said before, that power doesn't go away. She can't take away the light unless she completely destroys the host. Lilith needs her for something she obviously can't do herself."

"Dani has never been the bad guy in all this."

"Lilith has definitely tried her best to turn her into one." Natalia placed her hands together in front of her. "Nicholas, maybe Elise is right."

I fully lifted my head up to meet her waiting eyes. "What?"

She closed her eyes for a moment and then opened them. "Do you think that by telling her, it’ll somehow rewrite the present and future?"

"Well, no…"

She cut me off. "I can tell you that it won't. You tell her and then what? She knows and now she's confused and upset. You want to apologize for not being there in time, but you'll likely say something that resembles wanting to find a way to help her. What happens if she doesn’t want help?”

She made sense, but my frustration still loomed. "I knew there was something off about her. I just couldn't put my finger on it. It's killing me knowing this, imagining being her and not knowing, living a lie."

"You care about her, Nicholas, anyone can see that, but you’re looking at this through the lenses of someone who wants a happily ever after. That's not fair. She is going to want the full story, and you don't have that. Not without Elise."

I wanted to fight against her words -- they were wrong. I didn't want a happily ever after with Dani, but maybe this information did pique my interest in what this could mean for…us. Even if it were to get out, she would never be openly accepted in Heaven's Gate, even with her hidden angelic powers. She had a backlog of torture and death miles long, and Heaven's Gate didn't think very highly of that. She wouldn't be given any special treatment.

I wondered if this new discovery made me want to be closer to her. That night in my bed, I forgot for a moment that she was anything but herself. Labels could’ve fucked off. Now, those labels were staring me in the face, and I was at a loss for words. Maybe I was wrong when I told her she didn't need to worry about her soul. Her soul was clearly already in danger. I still wanted her, that was apparent, but did I want her enough to fight for us?

I reached down to pick up my sword. I placed it into its holder at my back and ran my hand through my hair. "I'll leave Elise out of it. I'll tell her what I know because that's fair to her. Dani is a big girl, Natalia. She isn't a fragile flower. I know she probably won't like what she hears, but she deserves to know." I grabbed her hand, squeezing it. "If she falls apart, then, well, I guess I'll just have to be there for her."

Natalia squinted at me, but not as if she was skeptical of my words. No, it was like she was finally starting to understand me. "I still don't think it's a good idea, but I can't tell you what to do. Choose your words carefully, Nicholas. You may think you are trying to help, but you might cause more harm than good."

"Fully aware." I winked at her before turning around and heading towards the door.

"Nicholas!" she called from behind me.

"Yeah?"

She cleared her throat, fiddling her fingers together. "There is something I need to tell you before you go." I turned back to her, waiting. "Usually, when I'm pushing magic into someone's mind, there is going to be obvious resistance. It's something foreign bleeding into your cranium; I expect to struggle and get some push back, but usually, that's the only issue." She pulled her bottom lip between her teeth. "With you…there was resistance, but when I got through, there was something…" She flexed her hands out, as if she was trying to find the right words.

I stared at her. "Something what?"

"Missing."

"Missing? From my head?"

She reached her right arm over her chest to caress her other arm. "Sort of. There were missing spots here and there, blank patches. I tried to peek closer at them, but there was nothing there, just small remnants of magic, like someone removed something. The magic is faint, so I can't tell you much else, but it doesn't really seem to be affecting you. For now, I wouldn't worry about it."

"You want me tonotworry about missing pieces of mymind?" I laughed in a non-joking manner, as if to ask if she was legitimately serious.

"I told you because I thought you should know, not because I think you should worry. You think you should tell Dani whatyouknow, and I thought I should tell you whatIknow. Now, it all depends on what you want to do with the information. Like I said, though, don't ponder on it too much. We can look into it more when this is all over."

I placed my hands in my back pockets. "You don't know me too well, then, because I will probably spiral with that information."

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