Page 111 of Living Legend

Nicholas nuzzled his nose against the line of my jaw, his cheek leaning against mine. “I’m sorry.” Two words. Two simple words that said so much.

I blinked towards the wall. I never liked to go down the rabbit hole of the forever I was going to spend in Purgatory. I couldn’t, because that would only make my time there after this was done unbearable. The wheels in his head were racing now; I could hear them cranking and collecting information, just to be more enthralled and confused the more I told him. I reached up and grabbed his hand. “Don’t let it rattle your brain.”

He grabbed my ass from under the sheets and squeezed, making me yelp. “Fine, but I’m sure once this is all over, we could try to reverse it.”

I leaned back into him. “Reverse it?”

He shrugged. “Yeah, I mean, we have Natalia on our side and probably other Enchanters she can get to come along, so I wouldn’t say it’s impossible.”

I turned and maneuvered myself so that I was face to face with him. His tall frame made that a little bit difficult, but I made it work. “One thing at a time, alright? Stop overloading yourself. You are going to make all this fucking we’ve done pointless if you start winding yourself up again.”

Nicholas groaned, the sound sending a heat wave through my body. “That is not the reason this happened.”

“Oh, so you're telling me that you just pounded me from behind because you felt like it? I call bullshit.” I punched him in the shoulder, watching as he rubbed where I hit him as if it actually hurt.

“You were naked next to me, and I was…”

“Horny?”

“You are so fucking annoying,” he muttered, burying his face in his pillow, peeking out at me with just one of his eyes. I tangled my fingers in his hair and pulled his face up to look at me completely.

“I’m not complaining, so take that as a good thing.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.” He leaned forward and kissed me. He let his lips linger a moment before fully opening his mouth and kissing me the way I liked. I let my tongue out and found he was already in search of mine.

My eyes were closed tight, and my hand was tightening in his hair when I pulled him back. I could feel his cock starting to stir, and as much as I wanted to let him fuck me into forgetting my name, there was something I wanted to tell him.

“Nicholas, if I tell you something, will you promise not to spiral?”

“Spiral?”

I rolled my eyes. “You know, overthink. Consider all the options.”

“I’ll certainly try, but it’s what I do. I spiral,” he joked, eyeing me skeptically. The light was starting to break through the window, the rain just a light pattering now. I didn’t know what storms were like in Heaven’s Gate, so I was interested in knowing what the damage outside was.

I chewed the inside of my cheek. I needed to let someone else know what was going on in my head. “I have a voice in my head – well, I think its voice. It’s more like a feeling of being lighter I guess, but like something is trying to speak to me or make me see something.”

Nicholas leaned back to examine my face. I think he was trying to figure out if I was done explaining, or if I was just taking a moment to collect my thoughts. He only said, “a voice?”

I nodded. I pushed my hair out of my face. “It doesn’t talk much and when it does, it’s like muffled, but it feels warm and inviting. It’s always in my head, but lately, it’s been making more of an appearance.”

“Was this voice uh…. frequent when you first got to Purgatory? Like when was the first time you ever heard it or umm…felt it?” He was trying to figure out his words. He didn’t understand; I mean, I didn’t even understand, and it was actually happening to me.

I thought back to my beginnings. “Sort of. It would come and go more frequently, especially when I was first getting my bearings. It was loud then, almost deafening, like it was trying to make sure I always knew it was there. It would almost burn with how warm it was. I kept it to myself, besides telling Elise, and she would tell me to ignore it, so I did.”

Nicholas scratched his jaw. “Then it just went dormant?”

“Kind of. I just kept silencing it. Every time I would focus on what Lilith had to teach me or who I was becoming, it would just get quieter and quieter until eventually, I could ignore it. It just sat there, like it was waiting patiently, like it was watching me.”

“It all of sudden appeared again in The Skies?”

“Yup. It feels like it’s trying to pull me in this other direction. It’s tempting. I don’t know, it’s almost like I can’t breathe thinking about it.” I blew out a breath. “This next part is going to sound weird, but just let me say it.”

Nicholas chuckled. “All of this sounds weird, but okay.”

“I find myself missing it sometimes. As much as I shove it down, ignore it, let my darkness stomp it to the back of my mind, I miss the lightness. I miss the warmth that comes with it. I felt like it kept sticking out a hand for me to take and I couldn’t, or I wouldn't.”

Nicholas tucked his fingers under my chin and lifted it so I would look at him. “I’ve never heard of something like this, but have you ever considered that maybe I was right?”

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