Page 20 of Endless Love: Novella

It was out there. I couldn’t take it back. And now that I’d said it, I knew it was true. What had been festering in me for days had been voiced.

Unfortunately, that meant giving Evan a mild heart attack from the looks of it. “What?” He jogged up the front steps, facing me with his mouth hanging open and his eyes bulging. “No. You don’t mean that.”

“I know what I mean. I can’t do it to her.”

“To her?” He had to whisper the way I did. There was no telling who might be inside and possibly able to hear. “She’s marrying you today because she wants to. What are you talking about, doing anything to her? You know Aria. She only does what she wants to.”

He didn’t get it, but then how could he? “You’re misunderstanding me,” I explained. “It isn’t that I don’t want to marry her. I can’t go through with it without her knowing about something I’ve kept from her. I told myself it could wait until after the wedding, but now I know I was wrong.”

“Okay. We can work with that.” He looked like somebody had his balls in a vice, no matter how supportive he tried to sound.

I knew the feeling too well since my balls had ached painfully in the weeks since Damian had made it known he intended to pursue a patent for the same technology Spencer and I were working to develop. Every day, the pressure had ratcheted up a little more. Now, it was a miracle I could walk.

He checked his watch, looking toward the cars parked in front of the house, managed by a valet. Thinking about the guests, I guessed. “What can we do?” he asked. “Do you need to talk to her?”

Fuck.All of the worries I had fought to suppress bubbled up to the surface with that one loaded question.Did I want to talk to her?

It was the only way. Ever since that conversation with Lucian and Ivy, there had been a hole growing in me, like an ulcer, but much larger and more painful. Guilt would do that to a person.

I hadn’t known this depth of guilt in two years. Not since I discovered everything I’d ever believed about Magnus and Evelyn had been a lie. That they weren’t the monsters my mother had portrayed them as. There were times when that terrible night came back to me in dreams—nightmares, really. The horror of realizing what I had done, the instant certainty that Aria would never forgive me for lying, seducing her, and working against her family. There had never been a more helpless, horrified moment in my life. Not even when I knew there was nothing I could do to keep my mother alive.

Now, I had to wonder if I could keep my relationship alive. What was worse, telling her now about what I had done or waiting for her heart to break when I eventually came clean?

I’d spent the last several days with my heart in my throat, always waiting for something terrible to happen. Something Damian put in motion. Obsessively checking to see if there was any mention of me online. Waiting for Aria’s normally loving, gentle smile to turn into something born of horror and disgust.

I should’ve told her sooner. Damn me for being a coward. For being afraid of losing her, of losing the one good thing that had ever come out of my otherwise pointless life. None of it meant anything without her.

I couldn’t look into that shining face of hers and recite my vows while knowing there was something so pivotal she was unaware of. “I’m not sure how we can do it.” I sighed, shrugging. “But yes, I should talk to her.”

He gave me a firm nod. “I’ll see what I can do.”

Five minutes later, I stepped into Barrett’s study, leaving the door open a few inches and standing behind it. Suddenly, we were in the middle of a sitcom, a bride and groom conversing from either side of a door so there wouldn’t be any accidental eye contact.

As strange and awkward as it was, there was something reassuring about it too. I might be able to get the story out easier and faster if it meant not having to watch pain and disbelief take root. I didn’t want to watch disappointment dim the light in her eyes.

“Here she is,” Colton announced, hidden by the door. “We’ll be waiting outside.” His footsteps faded away as a familiar hand snaked its way around the door, feeling for mine.

“You in there?” Aria’s soft laughter may as well have been a knife to my heart. She was nervous, of course, and confused.

“I’m here.” I took her hand, lacing our fingers together, clasping it tight.

“What’s happening? Why are we doing this? Please, don’t tell me you’re having second thoughts.” Another soft laugh, this time tight with dread.

I hated knowing that was where her mind immediately went. “Not about you, love,” I told her, squeezing her hand. “Never about you. If you don’t believe anything else, believe that.”

“I appreciate it, but I hope you understand you’re not doing anything to make me feel better.” Her laughter was flat now like she didn’t have it in her to pretend. “What gives? We’ve got hundreds of people waiting out there, not to mention another couple who are waiting on us.”

My mouth went dry. I couldn’t find the words. What was I supposed to say? How to approach this delicately?

She must have taken my silence for something else because when she spoke again, her voice was ominously quiet. “Miles,” she whispered. “Tell me. Whatever it is, we’ll get through it. Just tell me and get it over with before I die of nervousness.”

“It’s about the patent… well, not really,” I amended. Already, I was fucking up. “There’s something out there about me. It will be public soon, and the person who spreads it is going to spin it to turn me into a villain and put my leadership in question. It’s all a matter of stealing the technology out from under us and claiming the patent for himself.”

“You couldn’t tell me about this before?” she asked. “I’m still lost.”

“It’s all about what’s going to come out in the press.” This was it. This was when I found out whether or not she truly meant it when she said we could get through anything. Not that I would blame her if she walked away. Certain things were insurmountable.

“Tell me. Don’t you trust me?” she whispered.

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