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“I’ll be honest,” I say, leaning forward, my voice low. “That day… it wasn’t something you can make sense of. It was chaos.”

Kate nods, her hands trembling. “Every time Mark shipped out, I reminded myself he might not come home. Steeled myself against it. I thought I was prepared for something like this, but, how could I be? We had a baby on the way when he… when it happened. I lost my whole world and then gained another one a few months later. I just want something to connect the two.”

This was the reason I spent years slowly falling in love with Charlie, but never acting on my feelings. Why I never imagined a wife or kids in my future. I never wanted her to look like poor Kate Harper does now. Suffocating under the weight of loss. Drowning in her grief.

“If it helps,” I say softly, “Mark was so excited to become a daddy.”

Kate wipes at her eyes, quick and quiet, like she’s trying to keep herself from breaking down completely. “He really was, wasn’t he? And he’d be so proud of our son.”

There’s a moment of awkward silence before Kate continues. “I know this is weird. Me showing up like this. I’ve just been so stuck. I don’t know how to move forward, and I thought…” Her voice breaks again, and she looks at me, her eyes pleading. “I need to know. What was it like for him? At the end?”

I ball my hands into fists, feeling a familiar wrenching in my heart.

Not grief.

Not fear.

Guilt.

All this time, I’ve felt guilty for surviving. Why did I survive? Why not Mark? Why not anyone else in that Humvee?

Why me?

I push the questions away and refocus on Kate.

“He didn’t suffer,” I say, my voice steady despite the storm inside me. “We were laughing when it happened. He was talking about you, about the baby. And then… it was over. Just like that. Of the three of us, I think he got the better deal.”

Kate’s tears fall freely now, but there’s relief in her expression. “Thank you,” she whispers. “Thank you for telling me that.”

We sit in silence for a moment, the weight of her loss heavy in the air. Then she smiles through her tears, her voice soft. “I kept imagining him hurt, scared, dying out there all alone. But now, instead, I can think of the way he used to laugh. Throwing his head back, the way he did. God, I can almost hear it, you know?”

And suddenly, I can hear it, too. “Oh man, just this giant sound from deep in his belly.”

Kate’s smile grows. “And it was so contagious. No one could be sad around Mark.”

“He just had that way about him.” I say, nodding in agreement.

“He did, didn’t he?” Kate sniffles. “Having him was worth everything I’ve gone through since. I wouldn’t trade a second of it, even knowing how it would end. I miss him. I miss him so much. But I’ll always have him here.” She presses a hand to her heart, peace softening her features.

Her words hit me like a jolt.Having him was worth everything.

And just like that, Charlie comes to mind. The way she looked that day on the pier, before it all fell to pieces. Like I was her whole world, like she couldn’t wait for us to finally acknowledgewhat we were to each other. And how I turned away after the accident, convincing myself it was for her sake. Because how could I give her anything when I was barely holding myself together?

But listening to Kate now, I wonder, was I wrong? What if it wasn’t about protecting Charlie from my brokenness? What if it was about denying myself the gift of her? What if I was punishing myself for surviving when better men lost their lives?

“Your son’s lucky to have you,” I say to Kate, my voice thick with emotion. “I’m sorry I never answered your calls. I just didn’t think I could do this. Thank you for making sure I did.”

Kate stands, her movements slow and deliberate. “No, thank you, Nick. For everything.”

“If you ever need anything—anything at all—you know where to find me,” I say, watching her walk toward the door.

“Ditto,” she replies, with a dip of her head and a wave goodbye.

I sit back down, thoughts spinning like the tide pulling me under, relentless and unstoppable, dragging me back to everything I’ve tried to bury—Charlie, the accident, and the beauty of second chances.

THIRTY-NINE

Charlie

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