Page 48 of Free

Was I wrong to protect her from the man I’ve become?

The thought sits uncomfortably on my shoulder until Nell asks, “What was the scariest thing you ever did?”

The question sends a rush of memories through me. I see flashes of the accident—the truck twisted into a heap of metal, the fire, the screams. The unbearable pain. My ears ringing from the explosion, my body pinned in agony. And then, those endless days behind enemy lines—the ones that blur together in my mind, fractured and incomplete. Thinking of Charlie was the only thing that got me through it. I promised myself I wouldn’t let another day pass without showing her how I really felt.

A promise I broke almost as soon as I came home.

I thought I was saving her by keeping my distance.

Maybe I had it wrong…

What if in pushing her away, I pushed away the one thing that could have gotten me through?

I close my eyes and rub my forehead, counting my breaths.

Breathe, Nick. Just breathe.

“The accident,” I finally say, my voice hoarse. “The accident was the scariest thing I’ve ever been through.”

Nell places her small hand on my knee, and it’s a gesture far too wise for someone her age. Somehow, it grounds me. She doesn’t push for more, sensing the weight of the moment. Instead, she moves on, her voice soft and gentle.

“What would you tell people who feel sad or scared?”

I take a breath, letting her question hang in the air. WhatwouldI tell people? The truth is, I still don’t have all the answers. I’m still figuring it out myself. But for her... for Nell... I try.

“We all need something to hold on to. Something that drives us. Something that stops making life feel tedious and unending and makes you understand how short our time here really is. How fragile it can be.” My eyes scan the room, but they’re not looking at anything. They’re following a memory. Chasing after the whisper of something lost.

“Anyway,” I say, then clear my throat, reminding myself that I’m talking to a little kid. “If you want to make it through the toughest times, through the darkest hours, youneedthat thing. You need to know what it is and hold tight to it and let it be the reminder of why you can’t give up… Because let me tell you, without something like that to cling to, you may never find your way back.”

Nell’s eyes are locked on mine, wide and thoughtful. “Like family?”

I nod, feeling my throat tighten. “Yeah. Like family,” I say, as Charlie’s smiling face flashes through my mind.

Nell types furiously, her tongue sticking out the corner of her mouth. She reads what she’s written, then gives a nod of approval. When she looks back at me, her eyes light up.

Her gaze sharpens. “One more question,” she says. “And it’s the most important.”

“Shoot.”

“Will you coach my soccer team? We need someone awesome. And you’re, like,the best.”

Her hopeful smile slays me. I sigh dramatically, pretending to consider it. “I don’t know. I’m not exactly the ‘rah-rah’ kind of guy.”

“Who needs ‘rah-rah’?” she counters. “We just need wins.”

I shake my head, laughing. “Fine. I’ll think about it. But no promises.”

Nell exclaims in excitement, tossing her arms around me. I hug her back, her joy a small spark in the darkness I’ve been carrying. Maybe Nell’s right. Maybe I still have something to offer.

And maybe, if I can figure out who the hell I’m supposed to be now, I won’t let everyone down again.

TWENTY-FIVE

Nick

I drive home from Micah’s house, feeling conflicted. There’s a knot of unease twisting in my gut, just beneath the warm fuzzies from Nell’s enthusiasm about me coaching. Her excitement is adorable, honestly.

But what the hell am I gonna say to a bunch of little girls? Sure, I know soccer—kind of. It’s rusty knowledge at best. And barking orders at Marines doesn’t translate to coaxing nervous kids into teamwork.

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