Page 38 of Defending What is Mine

“You’re kidding me, right? Tell me you’re fucking kidding?”

The look on his face quite clearly says he is not.

“What about the pain? My goddamned leg ached all fucking night.” Adrenaline courses through me. My heartbeat goes crazy. Crazy enough to set the monitor off and that goddamn beeping works its way into my thoughts like Chinese water torture.

I’m angry.

I’m confused.

But mostly I’m afraid to look.

Afraid to call his bluff and find out for myself.

The doctor—I realize I don’t even know his name—looks at me with a serious lack of compassion. “That is not at all uncommon. Many times, after losing a limb, patients suffer from something called phantom pains. There are medications that can be prescribed to help alleviate the symptoms, but honestly there’s still a lot we just don’t understand about the phenomenon.”

Phenomenon. Like I’m just a number on a page and not an actual human being.

I shake my head. “No. No pain killers. My life is already ruined. I’m not interested in adding addiction to the equation.”

The doctor quickly jots something else in the chart. “Yes, well…I understand. Situations like this take time to process. I’m going to refer someone to come and meet with you. Just to chat. In the meantime, do you have any questions for me before I go?”

I stare out the window at the different hues illuminating the morning sky. Remembering how it took me home and made me feel whole. Until now. Now, it’s nothing more than a reminder of a life that I will never have again.

“Captain?”

“No. Just go.”

He begins to leave but stops before closing the door. “FYI, the nurse mentioned that your mother typically arrives just after breakfast.”

My mother?

The statement is enough to pull my attention from the view outside. “She’s here?”

He nods. “Yes, sir. She arrived the same day you did. As your listed next of kin, she was notified and kept up to date of your progress. Given your injuries—and the coma—moving you stateside wasn’t feasible. And in situations like this, having family by your side can make all the difference.” With a polite nod, he closes the door.

Mom? She can’t be here. I can’t look her in the eye. Not like this. I couldn’t bear to see her disappointment. She used to look at me with so much pride. Not now. Not with a washout for a son.

Oh God, what about Sam? She spent the last six months of her life waiting on a man, and now he’s never coming home. How could I expect her to stick around now? I’m not even a whole man anymore.

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