Page 28 of As Angels Sin

I nod, knowing he can’t see it. I mutter an attempt atyes, but the word gets lost behind a wall of feverish groans. Crue must’ve gotten his answer, and liked it, as after only a few hard thrusts, his breathing picks up and his body starts tensing.

“I’m close.” Crue whispers harshly into my ear. He’d scream, if we weren’t in the mansion. “I’m going to fill your tight, wet cunt with my seed.”

Not like it matters now. The scary part has already happened once before.

I dig my nails into his back, and rake them over his skin. His filthy admission forces the action. It sends my mind into a spiral and leaves me clawing my way to another orgasm. My legs rattle against his chest, my walls tighten around his girth, and with a final, fierce grunt Crue empties every lost drop of himself into me.

Then, he crumbles to my side. I reach for the lamp switch to turn it on. We had our fun in the darkness, but I want to see the state I’ve left him in.

Crue is staring at the ceiling and panting for air. Even the blinding light can’t rouse him from the orgasm-induced trance he’s lost in. I giggle and fall back into my pillows, finding both his reaction and my own incredibly funny.

I still haven’t made peace with what he did, but it’s easy to pretend on the outside. I play along and make it seem as if we’re headed in the direction of those American Dream love stories that have been popular through the ages. It’s harder to change inside. I feel an unyielding ache in my bones any time a flash of that night crosses my mind.

But for now, it’s different. In fact, nothing will ever be the same again. The heavy burden of nearly becoming one of Crue’s victims has to be secondary. Just for now.

“Crue, I need to tell you something,” I can’t keep the excitement out of my voice.

Fuck. It’s a little too familiar, isn’t it? Bright smile, full, happy heart, and the two of us together like my life isn’t crumbling to pieces and he isn’t a lunatic. I’m still not fully convinced this isn’t Crue’s attempt number two to finish me off.

He turns his head to me, slowly. He has still uttered no words other than the things he said to shoot me into the stratosphere. Man, he’s hot when he’s brooding. He is a strong, silent type with hard eyes that stare out for miles, even though they’re pinned to mine at the moment. His stern face refuses to budge, no matter how softly or humbly I approach him.

But I’m not pretending anymore. After all, a week of carrying the news has given me a lot of time to negotiate with this craziness.

“Don’t freak out on me, okay?” I rest a hand on his chest in a subtle gesture to pacify him. Not that I’d ever be able to stop him from doing anything. I’m closer in size to his next meal, than I am a control on him.

His eyes flick across my face. He scans my lips, my eyes, and the lines and contours that make up my facial structure. It’s as if he’s trying to see if he can read what’s about to come out of my mouth.

“I really need you to stay calm,” I go on for no real reason, other than to watch his mind perpetually spinning in anticipation. It’s not as if holding my secret in for another few seconds will change anything.

I’ve made up my mind.

I’m going to tell him.

But maybe I’m enjoying the thrill of watching him suffer in silence.

“Out with it, then,” he says, playing straight into my hands.

“Crue, this is going to be a real shock.” Now that I am on the precipice of speaking the words out loud for the first time, I’m much more anxious than I was a second ago. In all my daydreams about the future, I never once considered the possibility of this going wrong. Well, it’s too late for that now.

“I’m pregnant.”

“You’re fucking what?” Crue’s voice goes up several octaves and I slam a hand over his mouth, the way he’s done to me so many other times before.

“Don’t shout. Remember where we are,” I urge him. He might not care that we’re in my father’s home, but Father surely will. And Tomas. And the small battalion of Napoli capos wandering around the property or inside the house.

“Who’s is it?” His voice isn’t as muffled as mine usually is when my mouth is covered. It’s probably because my hand isn’t big enough to hold the whole thing at once.

“Who’s do you think?” I roll my eyes at him, feeling another bout of giggles rushing to the surface. “Yours, you dingus.”

“Mine? I’m going to be a dad?” He says it in an emotionless way. Either he is taking my reminder of where we are to heart, or it’s because it isn’t something that matters. No tears rush to his eyes, no smile cracks the corner of his lip to show happiness. He’s the same, old, stone-cold Crue, asking a question as though his whole world hasn’t just come completely undone.

I had no idea what to expect, but this wasn’t this. I thought he would be either happy or ragingly angry, his neutral nothingness makes me uneasy.

“If you want to be.” My need to giggle is dashed. Instead, my words have a somber severity. “I’m going to keep it, no matter your decision. Taking a life, even if it hasn’t had the chance to blossom into a body, isn’t something I can bear that thought of.” I pause, giving him a chance to speak. When he doesn’t, I continue. “I don’t know if I’ll be a good parent, but I do knowI’m going to love this child no matter what. I’m going to raise it differently from how my father raised me. I’m going to give it love, and care, and a family. A real, honest-to-God, family. Not this.” I wave my hand in a wide circle indicating the rest of the house to explain my point. “If it has to be just me and him or her, then so be it. However, I thought you should know.”

It's my dream, anyway. There’s no certainty when it comes to these things. Today I could say one thing, and tomorrow another. Contemplating the future is meaningless. Until this tiny bundle of joy comes into the world, I’ve got no way of knowing what kind of mother I’ll actually be.

But what I can say, with absolute certainty, is that I’m going to love my child with all of my heart. As soon as I saw the plus across all three pregnancy tests, my dread melted away and was replaced by a wave of heartwarming joy and newfound purpose to make things right.

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