Page 60 of Lie to Me

I’ve woken up alone every single day for the past ten years.

I should have known this morning would be no different.

I don’t even bother to strain my ears to see if I can hear Sloane moving around the apartment. I could tell from the trepidation in her gaze last night and the coldness of the sheets beside me now that she’s gone.

She ran.

Was it naïve of me to think that she’d still be here when I woke up and we would be able to talk things out this morning? Probably.

But damn if I didn’t hope.

And fuck if it doesn’t hurt.

She doesn’t owe me anything, but it’s still painful as hell having her so close once more but not being able to hold onto her.

Still, even if last night is all I’ll ever get from her, it’s more than I ever thought possible.

In the years when she was gone, I honestly didn’t think I’d ever see her again. I had resigned myself to being alone, and I was okay with that. It was true what I told Sloane; I couldn’t bear the thought of being with another woman. Not when I’d had her and lost her. Not when no one could ever compare to what we had.

What we still have,that little voice in the back of my mind whispers, and I roll my eyes at myself. Last night was one of the best nights of my life. I knew me and Sloane being together again would be amazing, and that the connection we shared before would never go away, but last night was something else.

It wasn’t even just the sex. That’s not something I’ve ever really put first when it came to her. Sure, I love fucking her, but I love everything else about her more. The fact that I got to sleep with her in my arms for most of the night is a goddamn miracle.

I got to stare into those eyes. I got to breathe in her scent. I got to fucking hold her.

But now she’s gone, and I’m not sure if I’ll ever get that chance again.

I check the time and see that it’s just after nine.

Christ, I can’t remember the last time I slept so late. Luckily, I don’t have any work today. Though I do have family dinner at the estate to celebrate Izzy’s birthday, which should be fuckingthrilling.I can’t wait to be questioned about my night with Sloane by my nosy as hell, interfering family.

Once I finally pry myself out of bed, I use the bathroom before heading out to the kitchen. What I see resting on the island stops me in my tracks.

Bile crawls up my throat as I pour a coffee and stare at the piece of paper resting on the counter, my name scrawled in Sloane’s handwriting staring up at me.Please, for the love of fuck, do not be a goodbye letter.

Marco,

Thank you for last night.

Okay, no. That’s not how I want to start this letter. Thanking you for only last night seems like a letdown when it was one of the best nights of my life. What we shared last night didn’t only penetrate the walls of ice I’ve spent years building around my heart, but it completely shattered them.

I won’t lie to you, Marco. At least not anymore. You told me last night that you haven’t been with anyone else since me, and I’m ashamed to say I can’t say the same. I know you wouldn’t have expected me to remain celibate, but I will tell you that it did feel like a betrayal to you even while we were apart.

You see, I’ve spent years trying to get over you. I’ve spent years trying to forget the sound of your voice, your smile, your laugh, and everything else that makes you, you. It was redundant.

It has always been you.

How could I love another, when you owned my very soul? How could I move on, when I left a part of myself behind?

I gave myself to you ten years ago, and even though I now know the reasons behind what you did, I still feel that pain every day.

You are, and always will be, the best man I have ever known. And I know I am the luckiest woman alive to be loved by you, but sometimes love isn’t enough. I need time to sort through my feelings on everything I’ve learned recently. I need time to figure out who I am after learning the truth.

To say the past changed me would be a vast understatement. I need to come to terms with the truth before I can move forward, and it’s not fair to you for me to drag you along with me doing that. I have a lot of healing to do, and to do that, I need to do it alone.

I hope one day I can come back to you, but I don’t want you to wait for me. It’s okay to move on if you meet someone who makes you happy.

Just know that I’ll always be thinking of you.

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