Page 47 of Hollyhocks

His Adam’s apple bobs and I hear the slight change of his heart rate increase.

“They are wrong. You smell delicious to me.” I need to be careful. If I lose control, it could mean the end of my entire plan to have Fitz fall in love with me.

I won’t stop until he does.

I’m a bad man.

I’ve always considered myself a decent, kind, and thoughtful person. I always put everyone else above me. Their happiness, their health, even their anger. I chose to pick up and head out of town with my sister when she was sixteen and pregnant because of how our dad treated her.

I’m curious what would have happened to me if she didn’t get pregnant. We probably would have stayed there with our parents. I can’t go down that road. I would hate the man I would have become working with my dad.

I’ve never considered myself a selfish man.

Until I knocked on Holly’s door.

Now, this woman is standing in front of me. Her eyes are shining like beacons, shooting me with light that could reach the fucking stars. I know she is interested in me.

I’m interested in her too but that’s only because when I look at her, all I see is the monster from my dreams. There’s something wrong with me. This monster is sheer, kind of transparent like a shadow but I’m able to see everything. Before, I would see horns and then I wouldn’t.

Now though, not only do I see horns, I see wings, a tail, fangs, and even fins at the bottom of her ankles. My mind has created the perfect monster. The one I crave. The one I want in my bed, in my arms, in my home, filling all the empty rooms with children.

Dreams aren’t enough and now I’m hallucinating my dream woman with a human woman I have no interest in.

This is where I’m selfish. Why? Because I’m not going to stop spending time with Holly if it means I get to see my monster. Human Holly is very pretty, and any man would be lucky to have her.

I want what seems to be her unlikely shadow. I’m not ready to give that up. So when or if Holly decides to move away, I’ll be done. I’ll never see my monster again.

For now, especially after today, I want to live in my delusions.

“Um.” Heat creeps up my neck and spreads across my cheeks. I step away, wanting to put space between us. This monster that I can see, I only see with her, and the closer the monster is to me, the more I want to take this connection a step further.

And no matter what, I can’t do that to human Holly. That would make me a sick, fucked up man. I have to be better than that.

I hand her a pair of black sweatpants, then point to the door behind her. “That leads to the bathroom. You can change there. I’ll change out here.”

Her blue eyes can’t hide the bright burning coals of my monster.

“Thank you, Fitz. I appreciate this,” she says with a smile.

“I don’t mind at all.” I point my chin in the direction of the bathroom. “Go on. I promise I won’t peek.”

“Too bad.” She strolls away from me, turning her head to her shoulder before opening the bathroom door. “I can’t promise I won’t.” Holly steps into the bathroom and shuts the door, but she doesn’t realize that she has to hear it click or it will crack open.

And that is exactly what it does.

I grab the back of my damp shirt, tug it over my head, then toss it into the laundry hamper.

Be good. Be good. Be good.

Knowing I could see her body is too much on my pathetic self-control that I don’t seem to have when I’m around her. I unzip my wet jeans and then bend down to tug the bottoms from my feet, when the sleek curve of her back peeking through the cracked door captures my attention.

I fall onto the bed with a grunt, smacking my leg on the bedpost. Burying my face in the sheets, I scream, “Mother fucker!” while holding onto my shin.

“You okay?” she calls from the bathroom.

“Fine. I’m fine. Just hit my leg. I’m fine.” I lean forward, peeking through the crack just in time to see her slide my sweatpants on.

Fuck.

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