Page 34 of Hollyhocks

I lean back on the table, giving me time to think about other aspects of my life. I don’t know what it is about a doctor’s office that gives me an ‘impending doom’ feeling but I’m reevaluatingmy life choices. I don’t regret anything, but I should have moved my sister out here with me.

I didn’t even ask her. I’ll need to change that. I didn’t leave her behind the first time, so I don’t know why I did the second.

The hinges to the door creak. A doctor with long light brown hair walks in. She’s staring down at my chart, her lips moving silently as she reads.

“Hello. Hello. How are we doing, Fitsgerald?”

“Just Fitz.” I correct her. “Please,” I add, not wanting to sound like an asshole.

She lifts her eyes from the chart, the dark greens lacking spark. She seems exhausted.

“No problem, Fitz. I read in your chart that you have a mark you need looked at, is that right?”

A light sheen of sweat breaks over my body at the thought of showing my dick to her. Not just because she’s a woman but there is a voice in the back of my head that is screaming to ask for a male doctor.

“I don’t mean to sound offensive, Doctor. Is there a male physician around?”

“Oh, don’t worry about that. I’ve seen everything and anything. Truly, you are safe here with me, Fitz. If that is what you’re worried about? I am the only doctor here for another few hours.”

It isn’t her ability to do her job that I’m worried about. There is a stabbing, clawing pain in my stomach that I’d be cheating on my mate.

The fake made-up monster I’ve conjured in my head. Now I think I’m cheating on someone who doesn’t even exist. I could tell the doctor right now that I need my head examined. I won’t because I want more time with my fake mate.

This is fucking wild.

I feel protective over my monster. No other woman deserves to see me naked. If it’s a doctor, surely it’s okay, right?

“Okay. I’m sorry. I’m just nervous. It has nothing to do with you not being able to do your job. I don’t think that—” I hurry to explain. “I think you’re a great doctor from what I’ve seen. Just really great. I’m lucky. I’m so lucky to have you as my doctor, but this mark is in a vulnerable spot, and I’d hate for you to have the image of my dick in your head all day. Not that you would have it in your head all day—” I bury my face in my hands. “This isn’t coming out right at all.”

“Fitz.” She pats my knee. “It’s okay to be nervous. I promise you, I’ve seen hundreds of dicks, not in a sexual way, and have happily helped these men with their issues. I truly don’t care about what your dick looks like. I want to make sure—like you do—that everything is okay. Okay?”

I feel like a teenage boy. This isn’t like me.

“Now, take a breath and tell me what happened.”

“I woke up with a weird mark on my dick and it’s freaking me out a little. I haven’t had sex in years, Doc.” My face flushes from the admission. “By choice.” I roll my eyes, wishing I could keep my mouth shut.

I tug the front of my sweatpants down. “See? What is that? I don’t know. I can’t tell you. It wasn’t there yesterday.”

She leans in, pressing her gloved hands along the black lines. “It doesn’t hurt?”

“No. No pain. I haven’t gotten a tattoo. I don’t know what this is.”

“It doesn’t look questionable to me.” She rolls her chair away, shucking off her gloves.

I pull up my pants and point to myself. “Not questionable? I have nothing but questions.”

“Sometimes as we age, things change. I’m thinking it’s a birthmark. We will keep an eye on it. I want some bloodwork tosee if anything has changed but other than that, I think you’re fine.”

I blink at her in confusion. “There’s nothing to be done?”

“No. I think it’s an odd development but that’s it.”

That’s it.

Why doesn’t that make me feel any better than when I walked in?

“Thanks.” I don’t bother to hide my disappointment.

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