Page 83 of Not Catching Love

“Molly,” Xander whines.

“Don’t drag him into this,” Seven says, unwrapping his arm from Xander’s head. “Use your words.”

“I hate you both.”

Molly pats his back lightly. “No, you don’t. Same as you don’t want Derek to actually leave.”

“What’s going on?” I ask.

“I don’t want you to see me like this.”

“Like what?”

There’s a long moment while the three of us wait for him to decide how to answer. In the end, Xander slowly sits up, and when he looks over, he’s the most un-made up I’ve ever seen him.

Messy hair, reddened eyes missing their contacts, and face so pale the bags under his eyes stick out.

I’m so used to seeing Xander look nothing short of perfect that this … it both breaks my heart and puts it back together again.

“I’m a mess,” he says.

“What have I said about you talking shit about yourself?”

He wrinkles his nose, where his freckles are even more prominent than usual, and I decide then and there that it’s definitely a calculated move. A distraction.

“Don’t try to be cute with me,” I say softly. “Be honest. What’s going on?”

“I’m never going to be good enough for you.”

“Pretty sure that’s for me to decide.”

His laugh is humorless. “And you will. Soon enough.”

“Is it the time thing? That I’m scared of losing my job? What?”

“My psychologist thinks I’m self-sabotaging by wanting someone unavailable.”

Well, that plain pisses me off. Funny, isn’t it? That I’m the one who advocated hard for him to talk to someone, and that same someone is telling Xander I’m not the right guy.

And maybe I’m not.

Maybe his psychologist is right.

But I’m not going to work off maybes.

Someone else’s doubt doesn’t get to be my doubt, and if Xander wants me, I’m his. I wasn’t lying about that.

“Look at me.”

If anything, he looks down further. “Haven’t got my contacts.”

“Good. Then maybe you’ll see me clearly this time.”

Slowly, his suspicious eyes meet mine, and I shift closer for good measure.

“Yeah, I am unavailable, Xander. Because I’m already yours.”

“W-what?”

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