Page 55 of Not Catching Love

Doesn’t he get that Ineedhim?

My eyes prickle as I whisper pathetically, “I want to own you.”

Something deep in his eyes shifts, and I worry that I’ve scared him off. That he’s going to tell me I’m too far gone for anyone to help. That it’s creepy and obsessive and?—

His foot slips between mine under the table and then links behind my ankle. Derek leans over the table toward me, and this time when his hand covers mine, there’s a possessive grip to it.

“I’m trying to be a good person. At least let me pretend.”

I know all about pretending to be a good person. I know all about the lies I have to tell myself to do it.

So I tell one more.

“Friends,” I agree. “Nothing more.”

Chapter Twenty

Derek

We’re hanging out today.

The text doesn’t surprise me. It’s been two days since I’ve seen Xander, and I’d been either expecting him to show up once I finished work or to get a message like this.

Ever since I got back, Xander’s been using our friendship as an excuse to spend as much time as possible together. Between volunteering at the nursing home, grabbing lunch or dinner, and the constant texting, he makes sure he’s never far from my mind.

It’s embarrassing how much I love it.

Me:

How do you know I don’t have plans?

Xander:

If you do,cancel them.

Me:

You’re very demanding, you know that?

Xander:

Yeah, I know. It’s part of my charm.

I can’t argue with him there. One of the things about Xander that’s really growing on me is how he’s unapologetically himself.

Except it’s been a month now, and while I don’t want any space from Xander, I need it. My balls are fucking blue. I’m trying really hard to be good and do the right thing, but it’s not going to take long for my resolve to crack.

Xander’s gorgeous. Contacts or no contacts, cute clothes or sweatpants, lip gloss or bare face, I’m constantly blown away by how stunning he is. But it’s not only his looks that I’m attracted to. Xander is an old soul. I can see it in his wary eyes, how sometimes he turns so introspective I lose him for a moment. He jokes about what he’s been through and has no issue saying some messed-up things about himself that make me die a little inside. I can’t imagine he means them or that saying those things is good for him, but I’m no psychologist, so what would I know?

All I know is that I really enjoy spending time with him.

Me:

Think of something we can do. I’ll pick you up once I’m done here.

The hours can’t slip away fast enough, and by the time six o’clock hits, I’m out the door. Xander’s had a few panic attacks since I got back, but I’ve held fast in not being the one to treat him, even when it meant telling Seven there was no one at the pharmacy for them to see. It ate at me all day until I got amessage from Xander, letting me know he was okay, but I hate that it’s something I have to do.

If we’re going to be friends for right now, it’s important to me. I can’t go back to being his carer, not when I look at Xander and everything I want to do to him inundates me.

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