Page 54 of Not Catching Love

“You’re welcome.”

His eyes spark. “Am I?”

“Yes. It’s basically because of me that you achieved your dreams. I’m an inspiration. A voice of the generation, you might say.”

“If you’re the voice of my generation, I’m worried we’re going to be greatly misrepresented.”

“I think the Kardashians already have that covered.” I prop my chin in my hand. “Why did you need space from me?”

He sighs and meets my eyes. “You know why.”

A bucketload of hope dumps over my head. “You care about me? Or … cared? Care?”

“Stop fishing.”

I give him my evilest grin. “Then answer the question.”

“I treated you for years. It doesn’t matter how I feel or how I felt because nothing can happen, even if we were both on the same page.”

“That’s the dumbest shit I’ve ever heard.”

“Actually, the rules are there for a very good reason.”

Fuck the rules. The rules can go to hell. Though I can say that because I’m not the one who would have to deal with the fallout if we hooked up and he got into trouble for it.

But … “Does that mean … are you saying … so if you’d never treated me, I’d have a chance with you?”

“I …”

“Yes or no?”

He watches me warily. “I have no idea what your thoughts are?—”

“My thoughts are that I want this coffee date to be an actual date.”

Derek laughs, sunlight catching in his messy hair and clean, clean teeth. When he answers, lines around his eyes creased and voice dipped low, I can barely hear him over the other people around us. “You’re all I can think about.”

“Then—”

“No.” He doesn’t leave a break for me to argue back. “I love being a nurse, and I want to volunteer overseas again. There’s a placement in Cambodia that I think I’m going to apply for.”

My heart sinks with every word. “So you don’t care about me at all.”

His hand crosses the table to cover the one I’m not leaning on. “Please try to see where I’m coming from. This isn’t easy for me.”

“Then why did you come back?”

“Because you were here.”

“But—”

“I know.” He clears his throat and lets my hand go. “I can’t offer much, and I get it if you say no, but I’d really like to be friends with you.”

Friends. He wants to befriends? I stare him down, trying to get a read on his expression and whether he knows what he’s doing to me.

Not good enough. Not wanted. Second best.

All my fears and insecurities come rushing forward as Derek confirms that he won’t even try. It’s been six months—we could easily keep things a secret.

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