Page 51 of Not Catching Love

He’s biting the corner of his lip, waiting for me to reply, and I can’t say what I’m supposed to. I deserve to lose my fucking license for this.

“I … well, if you want, maybe after this, we could catch up?”

His entire face brightens. “Yeah?”

“Want to grab a coffee?” There’s nothing wrong with coffee. Somewhere public. Purely platonic. Everyone likes coffee.

There is a guardedness in his eyes as he studies me. “I’d like that.”

“You better get back to your class.”

He keeps watching me, walking backward, and it’s not until he disappears inside the room that I turn and thump my head against the wall.

I need to leave again.

Because I can see exactly where this is heading.

Chapter Nineteen

Xander

Dr. Sherwin isn’t totally terrible. I could even argue that he’s semi-okay, and I don’t dread having to see him as often as I do. It’s not fun, I test him and push him all the time, and he hasn’t fixed me or given me some magical cure, but I’ve got coping strategies in place that I sometimes remember to use.

Having to face that I was willingly being a burden to the people I love most was the hardest part of our sessions, and while being my abrasive shithead self fits like a well-worn pair of jeans, I loosened my hold on it. I try not to make lashing out my default.

But I’m also careful about not losing who I am. Some might call this progress, but it’s exhausting and has me frayed down to the bone some days.

Dr. Sherwin is also getting me to see that asking for help from people is okay, but needing it the way I do isn’t healthy and will only hurt me in the long run.

He can pry Seven and Molly out of my cold, dead fingers, but I’m trying to apply more healthy boundaries with everyone else in my life.

Which, unfortunately, includes Derek. If it was up to me, he’d be on Seven’s level, and we’d be equally obsessed with each other. Even with my boundaries in place, I don’t think that will ever change, but Sherwin has me working onempathyand seeing things from other people’s perspectives. I guess, for normal people, I can understand how being the focus of someone else’s obsession could be uncomfortable.

Sounds like heaven to me though.

And all that work with Sherwin is proving a success with facing Derek today.

I don’t push my luck by trying to dance with him in his class. The residents are all too busy wanting to hear about his travels anyway, and being in the same room with Derek after him being gone for months is doing things to me that I’m not prepared for.

He’s a lot more tanned than he was when he left, his face is scruffier, his hair is longer, and he’s somehow the same Derek I knew, but not. The unkempt look suits him.

“Our boy’s back,” Carla says. “Where’s my five dollars?”

I hand over the bill, not able to look away. “Is he hotter, do you think?”

“Oh, yes,” she says. “Derek’s seen some things. You can tell by his eyes.”

“Really?” I squint, tilting my head and trying to see if I can pick anything different.

“Of course not. I’m messing with you.”

“Gee. Thanks. Very helpful.”

“You should dance with him again. Want me to make it happen?”

Of course I do, but I’m all mature and well-adjusted now.At least, I pretend to be. So I shake my head instead. “I’m good. You go dance.”

Derek and I don’t interact much, but once class wraps up, he approaches. I know it’s impossible, but I swear he’s gotten taller too. My toes scraped the ground when I hugged him.

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