Page 39 of Not Catching Love

“Treating.” He crosses his arm. “Just a stupid, sick patient to you.”

“Youaremy patient. The stupid and sick part comes and goes.” I’d never normally say that, but all week, he’s had my nerves on end, and the usual patience I have for him isn’t there.

Despite saying he was leaving, Xander doesn’t make amove, just redirects his glare to the wall. Then … a tear drops onto his cheek.

Shit.

I move closer. “Xander, it’s okay.”

Wrong thing to say, apparently. “Fuck. You.”

“Excuse me?”

“Stop trying to act like you actually give a fuck about me. Stop trying to act like you care. I’m a job to you, I get it—message received loud and fucking clear. I won’t bother you with my friendship anymore, and in fact, I’ll stop coming here. You’re not the only nurse in the entire goddamn fucking world.”

“Xander,” Seven snaps.

“Oh, fuck you too,” he shouts. “You think it’s some secret that you don’t want to be here? You think I don’t know that everyone in the house thinks I’m a giant fucking inconvenience?”

“That’s enough.” My voice is louder than I expect it to be, but this is it. I’ve hit my fuck it moment. It’s been simmering there for a while now, and even if I wanted to hold it back, I can’t. He thinks I don’tcare? Like I haven’t somehow spent the last few years of my fucking life centered around him and what he needs?

He goes to argue, but I drag a chair over and plonk myself in it, then lean right into his space.

“I don’t fuckingcare?” I echo. “Why don’t you pull that pretty head out of your fucking ass for a goddamn minute. Why do you think I’m always here, Xander? I don’t live in this goddamn pharmacy. I saw a lease on a place around the corner shortly after you started coming here, and I decided it made sense. I moved. Into the city. All because ofyou. Every time you’re in trouble, I show up for you. Your brothers show up for you. So this fucking tantrum is so far out of line, and I’m done. I’m not going to be spoken to like that. I’m not goingto be told I don’t care. My whole fucking life is on hold while I wait for you to get better, and you won’t do a single thing to make it happen.”

His glare has deepened. “You don’t get to blame me for your shitty life choices.”

“I do when you’re one of them.”

His jaw drops.

“Hurts, doesn’t it? When people say mean things? Now, I don’t know what the hell you’ve been through, and I’ve reached the point where it doesn’t matter. You need help. And as much as it kills me, this is where I draw the line.” My throat tries to close over, but I’m in it now. I can’t back down. “The next time you call, it won’t be me waiting here. I’ll make sure someone is … but it can’t be me.”

The glare blinks away as tears take over, and that’s enough to make my eyes water too.

“D-Derek.”

I shake my head and stand. Fighting the urge to hug him is easier than I thought it would be. The fact that after years of this, he can still possibly think I don’t care has rubbed me raw. “I care, Xander.” My voice lowers. “Too much.”

I turn on my heel, and his begging fucking wrecks me.

“You can’t. Please. Don’t go. I need you. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say any of it. I was mad, please …”

I’m not hearing those words as his nurse though. I’m hearing them through the lens of a relationship and exactly how things will be if I let my feelings lead. I’ve already given them too much leeway.

Seven’s panicked expression makes me pause. “You’re not going to be here anymore?”

“I can’t.”

“But—”

“No.” I’m fucking pissed with him too. “I warned Madden. I told him what would happen if you continued to enable him,and since none of you will convince Xander to get the help he needs, I have to do this.”

“What are we supposed to do?”

“Get. Him. In. Therapy.” I’m fucking shaking. I know they think they’re doing their best, but we’re past that. It’s not good enough anymore.

“I can’t.”

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