Page 72 of Not Catching Love

I wish he wouldn’t. I wish he’d give up on me and realize that anything between us is a lost cause. I wish I could disappear for a year and trust that he’d be here waiting. For me. I’d wait forever for him.

The flirting is cute and fun for the time being, but it’s getting difficult. How can I simultaneously love his attention and want it to continue while knowing it would be better for us both if he got sick of me and moved on?

Xander deserves someone who’ll make him their whole world. Who’ll give him all the attention and love he deserves.

I can’t be that person. Not right now.

But damn if I don’t wish every day that I could be.

Chapter Twenty-Five

Xander

“… meeting up with my football buddies.”

That sentence does something to me. First, Derek playing football is hot as fuck, and I need to see that, but second— “WithManny?” I ask, switching my phone to the other ear.

He chuckles, and thankfully, he finds my jealousy amusing. For now. I’m not an idiot to think he’ll always be like that, but knowing he’s ditching me for them has a pit burrowing deep in my gut. “Of course he’ll be there.”

There’s a pause while I try to work out how the hell a normal person would respond to this. How to tell him it sounds fun and I hope he wins, without it sounding like I’m speaking through dirt.

He gets in first. “Did you, uh, wanna come?”

“And play football?” Does he want me to be murdered?

Derek laughs properly, and I’m glad he finds that idea asridiculous as it is. “You can play if you want to, but I meant to meet my friends.”

The pit eases. “You want that?”

“Of course. I’ve met yours.”

The fact he’s even suggesting it lessens the stabby rage I wanted to fly into, but now I’m faced with the complete opposite. Anxiety. These are his friends. His friends who he’s been friends with for a very long time and are of the jock variety that I never vibed with in high school.

Derek might have his lust goggles on, but none of them will.

They’ll see right through me.

They’ll know I’m not good enough for him, and then what if they tell him that?

Is it so bad I want Derek to be deluded for a little longer?

“If that’s too much?—”

I cut off that train of thought. “No, I … I want to, obviously, but …”

“What’s wrong?”

I’m a hot mess, and you picked wrong, and you really should move on with your life and find someone who’s worth your time and won’t drag you down into their shit.

“Xander?”

“I’m …”

“Are you nervous?”

I guess that’s a mild way of putting it that won’t terrify him. “Yes.”

His voice softens. “They’re going to love you. I’ve … told Manny a lot about you.”

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