Page 29 of Not Catching Love

“I’m going to die one day, and you’ll all be sorry.”

“Very sorry. I’ll have to hear Molly sobbing over it for the rest of our lives.”

I pause, then slowly lift my eyes to his. “You’d be sad too … right?”

“I’d be devastated, you ninny. Stop talking about this.”

He would, but he’d get over it. Molly would help him, and he’d help Molly, and soon enough, they’d forget about me. They’ll go on to have their own family and vaguely remember that guy they used to live with that one time.

Seven’s scowling at me, and it’s maybe my favorite expression to see him wear. He’s trying to hide his hurt, and that goesa long way to reminding me that he does love me. For now. No matter what my brain tries to tell me.

Maybe being loved for right now is enough.

Before I can get out, I lean over the center console and squeeze him in a hug. Seven squeezes me back, lips pressing hard against my temple, and I want to crawl into his lap and live there forever. Seven is my safety. The thought of losing him makes my throat close over, and it would be so easy to slip into that headspace where I’m choking, can’t breathe, where that existential dread sinks down into me.

“Z?”

I jolt back. “I’m fine. I’m okay.”

He watches me for a moment, then whispers, “I love you.”

In an ideal world, he always would. He, Molly, and I would have our little family and be happy together. And in an even idealer world, Derek would be there too.

I came back here with Aggy last week, at the same time, and found Derek teaching his class again. This time, I’m planning to hang around until he finishes in the hope of some more alone time, and I can’t have Aggy getting in the way of that. I wish I could make her understand. I wish she knew that this isn’t some stupid crush. There aren’t a lot of people who make me feel safe, but Derek is one of them, and if it was up to me, I’d get to have him always. As mine. All mine. It would be ideal, really, because then I wouldn’t have to race off to the pharmacy every time there’s something wrong.

Then maybe I wouldn’t need Seven and Molly as much as I do now, and it would take them longer to regret having me in their lives.

“Pick me up in two hours?” I check, even though he’s already agreed.

“I’ll be here.”

I jump out and slam the door behind me, then hurry intothe building. The front desk lady, Mary, recognizes me instantly, and her face lights up with a smile.

“Bethany was hoping you’d be back,” Mary says, grabbing a volunteer badge for me.

My face wrinkles. “Really?”

“Yes, she’s talked of nothing else except your class for the last week.”

I’m speechless for a moment. Maybe Seven might have a teeny-weeny point that these old people are more than just reminders of my mortality. Bethany doesn’t talk much, and her movements are limited, but even with the arthritis, I can tell she had a steady hand and good eye once upon a time. Besides, Aggy is older than most of them, and I love her.

I clip the badge to my T-shirt, shaking my guilt over the reminder that the only reason I came back was for Derek.

“I can’t wait,” I tell Mary. Then, I head down the hall and get ready.

It’s not until halfway into the class that I get that first glimpse of Derek, those stunning, curious eyes gazing around the doorframe and into the room. He’s too slow to look away, and I catch him watching me, holding on to the hope that he’s been doing that for a while now.

My face splits into a grin, and I beeline straight for the door. “You’re here early.”

“I’ve got to set up.” There’s a slight pause and then, “I haven’t seen you this week.”

“Careful, you almost sound disappointed about that.”

The way amusement lights up his whole face has me swooning. “If it means you’re good, then I’m good.”

At least he didn’t say something shitty about being happy about it. Pushing my luck, I give his sleeve a tug. “Come on, I set up a station for you too.”

Derek blinks rapidly. “Me?”

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