Page 84 of Just Bromantically Invested

“What’s wrong?”

Penn’s gaze shifts away. “Tuesdays were supposed to be our night.”

“I know, but Xander?—”

He huffs.

“What was that for?”

“If it’s not Xander, it’s Rush, or Christian, or Molly.”

“Penn ….”

He doesn’t answer.

“What did you want me to do? Leave him doom-searching lung cancer?”

“Of course not.” He sounds genuine. “It’s … I love that you’re a good friend to them and they can rely on you, but … it sort of sucks that I can’t.”

“What?” I sit back up, putting some distance between us.

“I don’t know what I’m trying to say.”

My gaze roams back to the untouched food. “I’m sorry I was late.”

“Yeah …”

Stale silence fills the seconds that pass.

“I need you to talk to me, Penn.”

His laugh is humorless. “Talk? Fine. Between you ditching me at work and never being able to commit to a single plan we have, I’m struggling not to feel like a complete afterthought to you. Honestly, Madden, I fucking hate it. We’re boyfriends, god fucking damn it, and I’d like to think that makes me a bit of a priority for you, but so far, that only seems to be in my head. I hate feeling insecure, and I hate feeling jealous of your roommates. It actually makes me feel like total shit because I know Xander’s going through a lot, but …” He cuts off, but there’s nothing else he could say anyway that would make me feel any worse.

“You are a priority to me.”

Penn wraps an arm around my shoulders and pulls me close. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

I do. For me, Penn’s my everything. I’m completely confident in the knowledge that he’s my person, and it will never change, but I guess I haven’t done a great job of showing him that. Between not wanting to smother him or push feelings that he’s not ready for and my brothers needing me, I’m not surprised that this is coming out now.

I have no clue how to fix it though.

I can’t promise it will never happen again because it probably will.

And if all of this is coming out now, I know exactly how he’d take my conflicted thoughts about work.

Spoiler: not fucking well.

I have no idea what to do.

Chapter 30

Penn

I’d hate to think what would happen if I had urgent issues I needed to talk to someone about. The wait list for seeing a shrink is stupidly long, almost like mental health isn’t a priority. Last night, Madden was being a good friend, and he didn’t deserve me getting grumpy with him. The real kicker is that I didn’t evenwantto be grumpy with him. My mouth kept saying inside thoughts, and I couldn’t make it stop. I know my feelings are valid too, but I’m stuck in that hard place where I don’t even know what the right choice was. Madden couldn’t leave Xander, but it made me feel like an afterthought in the process.

I’m restless all day at work and don’t even notice Lisa isn’t there until she rushes in late.

“Where have you been?”

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