Page 56 of Just Bromantically Invested

“Did it occur to you that maybe I want to though?”

No. No, that hadn’t occurred to me. Which makes me a shitty friend on top of all of the other stuff. Me wanting him to do this with me doesn’t get to take priority over him wanting to keep a job he loves.

The only other option is putting our business on hold, but who the fuck knows what will happen if we try to start it back up in a year?

If.

I hate that word.

Penn squeezes my hand. “I want this for you. You’ll love the work and getting to plan it all out. You’ll actually use this place, Madden. A lot.”

“And … will you?” When he’d mentioned the introductory area, it had sounded like he was curious. I want more than anything to share this lifestyle with him. For him to understand how free it feels, how much it opens your mind and minimizes all the things people worry about.

Penn withdraws his hand from mine. “I don’t think so. Sorry. I tried it, but I think my nudist days are over.”

It was the most likely outcome. This lifestyle isn’t for everyone. It’s hardly for anyone. All I’d wanted was for him to understand, and he’d tried, and I can’t ask for more from him than that. Not many best friends would step up like he did.

“We can work on your connectedness another way,” I assure him, putting all of my effort into making sure I’m supportive.

“Starting with this beer.” He drains his glass, but I hardly touch mine. It tastes like dirt.

Everything does.

For a very brief moment, Penn had given me hope.

It’s gone now, which is really fucked-up, considering it’s not even his sexuality standing between us anymore. I want to ask him more questions about it, if he’s settled on a label, how he got there, but I think the more I understand, the more it’s going to break my heart.

I’ve always told myself that if Penn was gay, he’d love me. That it wasn’t his fault we couldn’t get together.

That delusion has been shattered now because the excuses have been taken away. He hasn’t fallen into my arms. The reason we weren’t together wasn’t his sexuality; it was, well, me.

Penn doesn’t want me.

I don’t think that will ever stop hurting.

Chapter 20

Penn

Madden makes up an excuse to go home instead of hanging out with me. He’s really fucking bummed over me not jumping on this Peach Acres thing, but what the hell am I supposed to do? Our landscaping business is our thing, and with how rocky our friendship is at the moment, jumping into a project where we’ll see each other all day, every day, doesn’t sound smart. I’ve never had awkwardness or discomfort from him, and this afternoon was both. I’d said anything I could to make things better, but if I’m honest, I don’t want Madden to be a best friend.

I want more.

It’s downright selfish. I’m finally open to my sexuality, and I expect him to be ready to jump into bed with me? It’s not like Madden has been sitting around waiting on this moment his entire life.

Lana is leaning against the wall by my door when I step outof the elevator. “There you are! I haven’t seen you in a million years. Are you sick of me already?”

No, just avoiding talking to you about a certain someone.“Of course not.” I take a moment to look her over. “Are you okay?”

“Fine. Totally fine. Might have kissed a girl last night and want to talk about it with my new bestie though.”

I laugh and unlock my door. “Don’t let Madden hear you call me that.”

“Ooh, will he get all growly?”

Iwishhe’d get all growly. “Actually, I’m not so sure he’d care.”

Lana sweeps past me into the kitchen to help herself to one of my Cokes. “You are severely underestimating that man. Ever since we told him we’re dating, I’ve been sleeping with my bedroom door locked.”

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