Page 48 of Just Bromantically Invested

Until it wasn’t.

I don’t think I’ve ever been cheated on, and my parents are still happily married, but as far as I’m concerned, the one thing a relationship should have is trust. That’s important to me. It’s what I’ve always had with Penn, but knowing he could do what he did and that I didn’t even question it? I’m struggling to figure out who we even are anymore.

Penn has always been so sweet. A loving guy with an easy sense of humor, a tendency to overthink, and an ass I want to bury my face in. Oh, and straight. Can’t forget that one.

What happened was so against all of those things it has me questioning whether I know my best friend at all.

“Was that you wheezing by the front door?” Xander asks from the doorway. “Do I need to get my stethoscope?”

“I wasn’t wheezing. I was … I was …”

He runs his eyes over me. “Seven, bring the whiskey!”

I try to tell him that I don’t need it, but who the hell am I kidding? Xander plonks himself down on my lap and wraps me up in a hug. “You’re wearing clothes. Are you depressed?”

I bury my face into his shoulder. Talking about it means admitting to what I’ve done and confessing that Penn might not be as perfect as I’ve always thought he was. “Just squeeze me, Z.”

He does. As tight as his small frame can manage. There’s a different kind of relief to having this house full of brothers who I can always turn to, and that recent worry about it coming to an end threatens to overtake me again.

After a couple of moments, I pull back. “Where is everyone?”

Xander blinks his sweet, purple eyes at me, then directsthem to the door. “I … I thought they were here. Want me to get the whiskey?”

The echoing silence stretches out in a painful way.

For the first time, maybe ever, I feel alone in this house.

“Maybe … maybe I’ll go to bed?”

“Nope.” Xander pulls me in again. “Never go to sleep angry or upset. It’s a rule.”

“You do it all the time.”

“Lies.” He’s playing with my hair, maybe braiding it, and the steady action is calming. “I stew on it until I break at some point during the night and need to make up with them.”

“Hmm …” His hands in my hair feel nice. “I wish you didn’t leave it until 3:00 a.m. when I’m sleeping to do that though.”

“Here’s an idea: don’t upset me in the first place.”

That’s easier said than done. Xander feels more than most people I know, and sometimes the simplest comments are enough to set him off. Upsetting him isn’t something I’d ever do on purpose, and whether it’s 3:00 a.m. or 3:00 p.m., I’ll always be ready to make him feel better. Xander’s special—everyone in the house feels it—and with a list of insecurities as long as my arm, it only makes me want to protect him from the world. The fact he’s sitting around at home, nowhere to be, every detail of his outfit meticulously picked out, proves that. The freckles tattooed over his nose prove that. The purple contacts, the light makeup, the lack of regrowth in his blue hair.

I squeeze Xander like he’s squeezing me, as though I can put him all back together through force.

“The whiskey has eyes,” Rush says, drifting in with the bottle, and my chest gives a violent swoop at his sudden appearance. “Makes me feel borderline guilty to be drinking it. What if it has a name? A family?”

“Hand it over, then,” I croak. “I’ll be happy to put it out of its misery.”

He passes me the bottle, and I take a long sip, and then Xander does the same. Rush sits on the floor, tossing his phone in his hands.

“Who’s breaking down?” Rush asks, looking between the two of us.

“Me.” I feel defeated even saying that. I’m the calm one in the house. I’m the one who doesn’t overthink, who doesn’t stress since stress is one of the biggest killers and can lead to a whole world of health problems. But right now, I’m stressed and overthinking, and it feels like my heart has been dragged through a shredder.

The front door opens and closes, and Christian pokes his head inside, followed by the heartwarming sight of Gabe. “What’s going on?”

I open my mouth to answer when Gabe spots my clothes.

“Shit, Mads, are you okay?” He sidesteps Christian and takes the spot beside me. With Gabe’s arm around my shoulders, Xander climbs out of my lap and slips in behind me instead. He loves to play with my hair, and I fucking love when he does it all cuddled up behind me, leaving little braids behind.

---