Page 39 of Just Bromantically Invested

Lana isn’t following at all. Her mouth is parted slightly, and her eyes are narrowed like she’s trying to read Latin. “You mean you accidentally made him pop bone? That’s still the same outcome.”

I fall into one of the chairs at her dining table. “Do you have alcohol? Lots of alcohol?”

“Sorry, I’m dry.”

“Right. No. Sorry for assuming.”

“You’re okay.” Lana sits down opposite me, and a fluffy white-and-gray cat with yellow eyes jumps up onto her lap.

“This is your cat.”

“It’s more that I’m his. He adopted me one day and never left.”

“What’s his name?”

“Mr. Bigglesworth.”

I stare at her, trying to figure out if I have that right. “I’m going to assume he had no say in that.”

“He’s a cat.”

Right. Because a cat can adopt a human but not decide if they want to answer to a name. Makes sense.

Lana shakes her hands so suddenly Mr. Bigglesworth takes off. “Stop distracting me. SOS. What happened exactly?”

“Madden and I were hanging out. Like we usually do.”

“Okay …”

“And he was wearing clothes.”

She keeps watching me expectantly like that wasn’t a revelation all on its own. Though, how could she know that?

“Madden never wears clothes. And I hate that he was feeling uncomfortable, so I made him strip off and …”

“Yes?”

“I might have, umm, had areaction.”

“A reaction, you say?”

“A small one.” I pinch my thumb and forefinger together before it clicks what this looks like. My whole face floods with warmth. “Not that my thing having a reaction was small. Just that my thing had a reaction, and the reaction was only a small reaction.”

“I think if you say reaction one more time, a leprechaun will jump out and shove quarters up your ass.”

“You … They … What …”

“He was naked, and it made you horny?”

The fight leaks out of me. “He was naked, and it made my dick vaguely interested.”

“Right.”

“I didn’t get horny until we were both naked.”

I’m expecting the continuous chatter at that revelation, but Lana’s silence speaks volumes. Volumes that I don’t want to hear.

“Okay. So you, a straight man, got horny after getting naked with your gay bestie. Was your dick up his ass too?”

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