Page 25 of Just Bromantically Invested

“The thing is,” I start, “I’m in love with Penn.”

“Shoot.” Seven’s face falls, and he immediately releases Molly and rounds the counter to pull me into a hug instead. “I’m so frogging sorry, man.”

“Thank you,” I mutter into his shoulder before pulling away. “It is what it is. But it also sucks a lot, so I really want to put an end to it.”

“I’m not sure that’s something you can just decide to put an end to,” Molly adds, eyeing me with concern.

I know he’s right, and I’m downplaying things, but that doesn’t mean I won’t be trying. “The thing is, my brain knows Penn is straight, but my heart isn’t listening. So I need to make that fucker listen.”

“How will you do that?” Xander pulls out the stool beside mine. “Because I’ve been trying for years to tell my brain that it’s stupid and wrong, and it won’t listen. What makes your vital organs any different?”

“I dunno, Z, but I’ve got to try something.”

“And what are you planning on trying?”

I glance over at where Seven has his arms crossed and is watching me. “Penn and I had a talk last night, and turns out I’m his only friend. He wants more, and he went out to coffee with someone this morning. A reallyprettysomeone.”

“Uh-oh,” Xander croaks. “Knife her.”

“He swears it’s not like that, but … I think it needs to be. I think if he finally starts seeing someone, I’ll get the message. Which means I need help from all of you because I only know so many women, and half of them are queer.”

Seven rubs his jaw. “Icouldask Elle. I’m not so sure she’s interested in dating though.”

Something about the thought of Elle and Penn makes me cranky. I adore them both, but if I set them up, they will definitely, definitely sleep together, and I don’t like the thought of one of my friends knowing what my best friend is like in bed when I don’t.

“Next option.”

Molly hands me my tea. “Are you sure you want to do this?”

“No. What I really want is for Penn to be queer so I can tell him how I feel and hope that I’m in with a real shot. But I can’t do or have that, so this is the plan we’re going with.”

“I hate the plan.” Molly’s face falls, and I swear the guy looks ready to cry. Out of all of us, he’s a real romantic and loves the idea of people falling in love. He was thrilled for Rush when he found Hunter and lately has been trying to play matchmaker with Xander’s and my dating lives.

I use that term loosely, though, because neither of us really has a dating life. I have a hookup life. Xander has … well, he has us. And anxiety. He’s practically married to that bitch.

“Me too,” I admit.

“Instead of focusing on setting him up with someone, why don’t you go out and try to find someone for yourself?” Molly asks.

I shake my head, leaning closer to Xander. “Nuh-uh. Don’t spread your monogamy our way.”

Xander pushes me off him. “Speak for yourself. That’s the one disease I actually want to catch.”

“I thought you wanted to sleep around first?”

“Don’t get me wrong, I want to lose my virginity. I want to be fucked in every way I can be fucked, but I’d like to be thrashedrespectfully,thank you very much.”

“Nurse Derek,” Molly hides behind a cough.

Seven narrows his eyes Molly’s way, while Xander’s pale face turns bright red.

“Shut up, Molly. If the things he’s seen me go through aren’t enough to turn him off, I bet being a virgin would do it. A man like that …”

Seven blocks his ears. “I don’t need to hear any of this.”

“I bet he fucks like a jackhammer.” Xander pretends to swoon.

I pat his back. “I bet he does too, buddy.”

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