Page 95 of Just Bromantically Invested

He doesn’t take it easy on me and say anything, so I force myself to keep talking through the awkward tension.

“We need a landscape engineer. Someone who can create designs of the site and make sure it will all work before we get the approval reports ready to submit. There’s a lot going on, and it’s such a huge job that outsourcing something like that doesn’t sit right with either of us.” I hate that I’m pushing this when he already said no, but getting this next part done properly and quickly is important to me. There’s no one I trust like Penn.

“And what? We both forget the years of hard work ever happened? We let Leaf It to Us close, and then once this thing is up and running, you’ll disappear off to your current job, and I’ll be part-time with Dryden forever?”

“There are going to be so many jobs at Peach Acres. Maybe you could work there.”

His Adam’s apple bobs as he swallows thickly and turns to look out at the water. He doesn’t look happy, and guilt is taking over because I’m the one who made him look like that.

“I guess … I guess if you’re not coming back, then holding on to the business doesn’t make sense.”

“What do you mean?”

“I was only doing it for you, Madden. So that once you were done planning with Damien, you’d be able to come rightback and we’d be working together again. It’s my favorite part of the day.”

“We can still have that,” I push, a flicker of hope sparking in my gut. “It might not be what we planned, but it could still work.”

Chapter 34

Penn

I’m trying really, really hard not to be offended. Not to feel like Madden lured me here with yummy food and his glorious body, all to drop this bomb on me. My default is to feel rejection. To feel like Madden is picking Damien over me, but then I’m reminded of him choosing not to move in with me, and while the hurt is still there, so is the knowledge it was right for him.

Probably for us.

The more I’ve thought about it the last few days, the more I like having a chance to miss him. Whenever we see each other again after a day or two apart, we’re both so consumed by each other that we forget the rest of the world exists. I don’t want to lose that feeling. And he’s made it clear I’m not losing him.

Even if it really, really feels that way.

That’s my issue. Not his.

So, pulling myself back from the brink of self-sabotage, I take a long, deep breath. Madden’s not doing this for Damien. He’s not picking between his new boss and me. He’s picking himself because when I really think about it, when I picture Madden somewhere he can be himself, I imagine him happy. There are some levels of happy I can’t give him, and I either need to accept that or face losing him.

I refuse to lose him.

“That sounds perfect for you.”

Madden’s twisting his hands together, big, blue eyes vulnerable. “And you?”

“I have some thinking to do.”

“Can you tell me what you need to think about?”

I remind myself that this isn’t all on me. “Weneed to talk about what we want to do with the business. What makes the most sense.”

He nods. “And … the job.”

“I need to think about that too. I’m torn because on one hand, I’d love to work with you constantly. On the other, maybe we need to not do that.”

“But I want to work with you.”

I know he does. I want to so badly as well, but he’s taken the option of the business away from us, and while Peach Acres won’t be open anytime soon, this really feels like the end. The end of everything we’ve worked toward. I’m not a quitter, but while Madden has a perfect opportunity waiting for him, my job prospects are bleak. Dryden can’t afford to give me more hours, and even if they could, I don’t know that I’d want to take them.

Without the business though, I’d need something to keep affording my apartment.

This is another reminder that I’ve been so focused on building my life around Madden’s that I forgot to keep building my own as well.

So maybe instead of viewing this as an ending, I need to see it as a beginning. A way for me to figure out what I really want.

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