Page 26 of Just Bromantically Invested

Xander wraps his arm around mine and hugs it to him. “Do you think Penn will ever come around?”

“No, and I can’t expect him to. That’s not fair on him. I really do need to find a way to move on.”

“Won’t it hurt to see him with someone?”

“Yep. I’m fully expecting this to break my heart in two. But after that happens, hopefully I can pick up the pieces, squash them back together, then move on, and things will be like they used to.”

“You mean you didn’t always love him?” Xander’s gazing up at me, purple contacts in place, and with all of his unrestrained vulnerability, I can’t lie.

“Nah, Z. I’m pretty sure I always have.”

And that’s the kicker. This plan of mine is risky because if it works and he falls in love and I get my heart broken in the process, what is there left on the other side? I’m not sure how to be Penn’s friend without loving him, at least a little. This won’t work if there’s any of that left behind.

It’s tempting to put on the brakes and refuse to do anything, but that isn’t an option either. If he’s not interested in Lana, I’ll have to find someone he will want to date.

Sooner or later, things have got to change.

Chapter 10

Penn

I’d wanted to join in with Madden’s family night last night, but I gave him his space. If he wanted me there, he would have invited me, so I took myself out instead. I’d planned to find a quick hookup and head home, but even before I’d arrived at the club, the vibe of the night felt off.

I danced for a while but ended up leaving sober and heading home alone.

My head has been all over the place lately, and it feels like the only time I’m not overthinking is when I’m buried in my work.

But I don’t want to spend the entire weekend working, so I break on Saturday morning and send Madden a message. It’s been a while since I reached out first because I know he has other people in his life, but I really need to see him today. It happens sometimes. That urge to be around him. Madden isone of those guys where, when they’re around, everything is perfect.

Since it’s a hot day, I suggest we go to Howell Beach. It’s one of Madden’s favorite places because while he legally can be nude anywhere he wants, he’s still borderline uncomfortable stripping off in public. Howell Beach being clothing optional gives him the freedom to be himself without facing judgy looks.

And since nearly everyone is naked there, I usually strip off too.

It wasn’t easy the first few times we went, and Madden made it clear there was no pressure from him or anyone else, but it was all my hang-ups. No one was looking at me, but itfeltlike everyone was, and it was nearly impossible to get out of my own head.

I pick Madden up from the Bertha house, and as I watch him jog across the front lawn, towel thrown over his shoulder and golden hair out in loose waves with his Mariners cap pulled down over them, somehow, that feeling of loneliness that’s lodged behind my ribs deepens.

Is it possible to miss someonemorewhen you’re with them? It’s fucking ridiculous.

“Penelope,” Madden says, climbing into the car.

“Madeline.”

I get a burst of his fruity bath wash as soon as he closes the door behind him. It’s familiar, and I love it. He’s not quite bouncing in his seat, but there’s energy rolling off him that’s giving the impression of a preteen at his first concert.

“Geez, it hasn’t been that long since we went to Howell.”

“At least two months,” he replies automatically.

“You counted?”

He shakes his head, hair swaying. “Nah, but I remember the last time was just after I got a bee sting right next to my balls and was all worried about people thinking the swollen spot was some kind of STD. That was early spring.”

“And you can’t figure out why I insist that you wear clothes when you work.”

Madden switches the radio over to his favorite rock station. “You’re conditioned to think that way. Don’t worry, I don’t judge. One day, you’ll see my side of things.”

“Or maybe it’s an issue of safety and not wanting to see you get hurt.”

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