Page 99 of Both Sides Now

“You don’t know? You want me to uproot my life here, leave behind every memory I have with Charlie, forgo having a child with him, but you can’t even offer me a definitive answer? I don’t know is the best you can do?”

“It’s the truth. I do know you’ve made me consider things that I never did before.”

“I’m supposed to base my life on an I don’t know, and hope for the best?”

“Calli, thatislife. It’s a series of moments where the ending is unclear.”

“That’s not true. Charlie would have given me anything.”

And my temper careens into high gear.

I hit the table with my fist, making the glasses jump. “Charlie isn’t here. I am, but you won’t evenconsidermy offer. You act like he was perfect?—”

“He was?—”

“No. He was a man. A damn fine man, I’m certain, but a man with flaws and shortcomings. You’ve placed him on this pedestal, andno onestands a chance against him. In your mind, all you remember are the good times. You’re telling me you two never fought? You never disagreed?”

“How dare you—” Calli hisses, but I’m not done speaking yet.

I’m just done.

“Trust me, I’m not trying to insult Charlie’s memory. But I’ve finally realized that I can’t compete with it, either.”

Her face softens at my statement and she clasps her hand over her mouth, as if finally realizing my pain. “I don’t wantyou to compete with him. I know it’s hard for you to understand.”

I run my hand across my brow, exhausted by this latest fight.

Exhausted in general.

At least I know where I stand now, and it’s not enough for me.

Long Island, here I come.

“It’s impossible to understand because you won’t let me in. You hold me at arms’ length, claiming your grief as the reason. But it’s not. The fact is, I’m not Charlie and I never will be. But I’m a good man, and I love you. For a brief instant, I thought you loved me, too.”

“Keegan, I do.”

“Just not enough. I get that Charlie was your great love and I don’t want to take his place in your heart. I had hoped there might be enough room for me, too. But there isn’t. I see that now. My mistake.”

“Keegan—” Calli reaches for my hand, but it’s too little, too late.

“You want me to promise you everything, but you won’t even let me in. How is that fair?”

“I want to let you in. I want us to have a future.”

The old adage is true. Actions speak louder than words.

Her actions these past few weeks scream volumes.

“No, you don’t. You threw us away like it was nothing. Then, you get angry that I invite you to take this adventure with me, but without all the bells and whistles of a relationship. A relationship whichyouended. You can’t have it both ways.”

I can’t do this anymore. It’s too painful. Too raw.

And it’s a dead-end street to nowhere.

I flag down the server, handing over my credit card. “I’m not hungry anymore. I’ll drop you at home.”

Chapter

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