Page 91 of Both Sides Now

“Do you love him?” Suzanne repeats, giving my knee a gentle squeeze.

I say the words I know are true. “I do. So much."

"Then you need to have a talk with him. But, be prepared to open up a bit. Keegan needs to know you’re willing to move forward with him.”

"What if he doesn't want me anymore?”

Somehow, that thought is more painful than losing Charlie, especially since I know I’m the one to blame.

"Only one way to find out, Callista."

My friend is right. Keegan has been a steady hand in our relationship since the beginning. Never demanding, always understanding. It’s time for me to take the reins for a while.

I only hope I’m not too late.

Chapter

Thirteen

KEEGAN

Normally, I enjoy medical conferences. They’re always educational, and they give the doctors in attendance a chance to rub elbows and network. Plus, there are the Michelin-rated restaurants, the top-shelf alcohol, and a bevy of eager-to-please beauties.

Basically it’s business by day, wine, women and song by night.

No joke. The last one I attended involved an evening of drunken karaoke topped off by a roll in the hay with a gorgeous blonde endocrinologist from California.

Damn, but that was a good night.

Fun. Easy. No strings attached kind of night.

This year, it’s not the same, or rather,I’mnot the same.

Despite my lavish accommodations and proximity to everything in the heart of Chicago, my mind is continuously occupied … by one woman.

Thoughts of Callista drift in and out of my consciousness like a bad dream I can’t shake.

We haven’t spoken in two weeks, since she melted down during our weekend retreat and demanded I take her home.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve dialed her number a hundred times, but I can’t find the strength to press the call button.

After all, I promised to give her time, especially since she claimed she couldn’t do it.

Do what? Be with me? Date me? Worst of all, love me?

Deep down, I always feared it would come to this. Even though it’s just shy of two years since her husband died, it’s obvious the pain is still raw.

I want to help Calli, but I don’t know how. To quote her, I can’t understand or fathom her pain. I somehow doubt the abandonment by my father all those years ago even registers in the same ballpark.

Besides, I don’t grieve my father. I detest the man.

I’m not sure which emotion is worse.

But the worst part? I allowed myself to get caught up in emotion that weekend, only on the opposite side of the spectrum.

When Calli told me she loved me, I let her in. Fully. I released every fear I had clung to and claimed her as mine, only to have her reject my love a day later.

They, and I have zero idea whotheyare, claim men are supposed to be strong. Emotionless, even.

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