Page 44 of Both Sides Now

When his face crumples from my remark, I immediately regret my words.

“I shouldn’t have said that, because I know it isn’t true. My anger boiled over. I’m sorry, Shawn.”

A solemn mask slides over his features as he offers a curt nod. “I’ll watch Domino for you.”

I fidget, desperate to rain down more apologies, but my friend won’t meet my gaze. I’ve wounded him when all he wanted to do was protect me. “Maybe I should forgo the wedding. You’re likely right. It will only muddy things further between Keegan and me.”

“Go to the damn wedding. Take advantage of the open bar.”

“Has to be one perk, right?”

Shawn elicits a low chuckle, and I seize my in.

“Are we okay?”

After what feels like an eternity, his dark gaze swings in mydirection. “We’re fine. I’m sorry if it appeared I was impeding on your life, but I’m protective. You’re my family.”

I grab him into a hug, dropping a kiss on his cheek. “Thanks for watching out for me. I promise I’ll consider all my options before making any decisions.”

As I leave the restaurant, I remain troubled. Shawn hit a nerve but he was spot on in his observation.

I’mnotcertain of anything anymore. Am I living life for me or the memory of a love that is now gone?

What would Charlie tell me to do? I wish to god I had engaged in those conversations during his illness.

Oh, he tried, but I rebuked every one. I was so certain love would overcome. Turns out, cancer was a worthy adversary.

Now, it’s too late for those heart to heart chats and all I know is how lost I feel.

How no choice, save for being near Keegan, feels right.

Shawn is right. I have some serious soul searching to do.

When I entermy wellness center, a warm energy pervades my every cell.

I’ve missed this place more than I realized.

Maybe there’s some life in me yet, even though my mind has been bouncing around on the topic of Charlie, babies, and Keegan since my lunch the other day.

But now is the time for a different sort of meditation.

And I’m so ready for it.

A fellow instructor, Ally, glances up from the desk, a smile crossing her face when she sees me.

“I thought someone was pulling a fast one on me when I saw you on the schedule to teach. Welcome back!” She hurries over, pulling me into a bear hug.

“It’s good to be back. Let’s hope I haven’t forgotten theflow.” I bounce on the balls of my feet, feeling the same jitters I had when I first led classes.

“You? Never. They’re in for a treat today.” Ally motions to the main studio, where a dozen students prepare for their class.

It’s like riding a bicycle, Callista. You’ve got this.

The bell above the entry door jingles and Ally glances over my shoulder, a coy smile splitting her face. “Hi, there. Can I help you?”

“I here for the yoga class.”

My face flushes. I know that voice. I turn, grinning at Keegan. “You came.”

---