Page 2 of Both Sides Now

Unacceptable.

Pressing my palm against the cool metal, I struggle to feel the energy of the man I love. Some semblance that he’s still with me, even if I can’t see or hear him any longer. Just some small assurance that this glorious man isn’t blinked out from existence.

I don’t think I can do this, Charlie. We made a deal, remember? We were going to die holding hands, old and gray. You didn’t hold up your end of the bargain. You left me holding the bag.

“Callista,” Shawn urges, and I wrest my elbow from his grip, huffing with indignation.

“Just go, Shawn. I’m not ready to leave him yet.”

“Luv, he isn’t here. You know that. I promised your husband that I’d look after you. You catching your death of cold in the middle of a chilly Manchester spring is not how I accomplish that task. You’re white as a sheet. I know you haven’t eaten a full meal in days. You’re not sleeping.”

“I just lost my husband,” I wail, stepping back from my friend as my heels sink into the soft earth. “I’m sorry I’m not giddy with excitement at the idea of living without him. I’m sorry if it puts a kink in your weekend plans.”

Anyone else would smart from my zingers, and there have been a plethora of them lately. My family and friends have been on the receiving end more than once in recent weeks, and many have since granted me a wide berth.

Not Shawn. He knows me too well. He knows my defense mechanisms. Right now, I’ve activated every one in my arsenal.

I need them if I’m to survive the next year.

The next month.

The next hour.

His dark eyes regard me, their own depths laced with pain. Charlie’s loss affects him, too. He loved the man that loved me. But he knows there’s only one way to get me to move whenI’ve locked in like a mountain goat—sarcasm and brutal honesty.

“Life sucks. Especially right now. And I understand you want to mire down and wallow in it. I applaud your dedication in that quest, Calli. But you can wallow in a dry location with some food in your stomach. I’ll throw in some whiskey to sweeten the deal.” He pulls me back against him, tucking my head under his chin. “Let’s go toast an amazing man.”

His words may not be pretty, but as per usual, they do the trick.

I drag my hand under my nose before offering a small shrug. “I miss him, Shawn. It’s only been a week, but it feels like forever.”

His grip tightens, his lips pressing to my hair. “It will get better. Not today and not tomorrow, but it will get better. I promise you. Your heart will heal.”

Chapter

One

CALLISTA

TWENTY MONTHS LATER…

Shawn, despite his best efforts, is a liar.

My heart hasn’t healed, and Charlie has been dead for 614 days. Yes, I’m counting. Eventually, I hope to forget how many days he’s been gone.

I doubt that day will ever come.

In my friend’s defense, I am better. I’m not the wallowing widow from a year and a half earlier, unable to leave my husband’s gravesite.

Wounds heal, but time only emphasizes the rough edges of the scars left behind.

Scars that no amount of time can touch. Such is my life, twenty months after it ended.

Yes, I’m still breathing, but that’s about as close as I tread to the world of the living most days.

Still, I have my minor victories. After three months, I leveled up and put on pants.

It was a milestone achievement.

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