Page 12 of Both Sides Now

“He's amazing in bed. He has the most talented cock." I manage to keep my voice on an even keel, although I barely contain my laughter when she shrieks into the phone.

"Stop with your nonsense. I'm serious. Do you like him as a doctor?"

"I do. He's amenable, and his work history is impeccable. Thank you for recommending him." I fail to mention that Dr. Russo's dark good looks have been dancing on a repeat reel through my brain the last few days, even dropping in for a surprise visit in my slumber.

“Told you he was gorgeous,” Suzanne adds with a knowing chuckle.

"That he is."

Andthatis the understatement of the century. The manlooks like he walked off a fashion runway with his tousled dark hair, bright blue eyes, and chiseled jawline.

He's not your average level handsome—not by any stretch. Devastatingly handsome is a far better term to describe Dr. Keegan Russo. Likely devastating to the myriad of women who fall for the effortless charm oozing from every pore of his body.

He's tricky, indeed. But what a delicious way to go.

"That's it?” Suzanne presses, obviously displeased with my blasé response.

"What do you want me to say? You two admitted he was a total player, not that I'm looking for any kind of relationship. I don't know if I'll ever date again."

"I remember those days."

Suzanne's words aren't the platitudes of a sympathetic friend. They're the truth. She went through hell when her ex left, and it took her years to find her footing again.

Then I took it upon myself to introduce her to my oldest friend, Shawn. I knew they’d be perfect for one another.

I was right.

Despite their best efforts and a list of excuses a mile long for why dating was a terrible idea, they couldn't help but fall in love. Stubborn asses fought it as long as possible, but I reminded them that love always wins in the end.

Just not in my case.

"Callista, I know it feels like you're drowning in sorrow. That it's endless and bottomless. There will always be days that feel like they're swallowing you whole. But there will also be days where you will laugh, and eventually, you'll remember Charlie without shedding a tear."

"I'm nowhere near there yet," I manage, wiping my eyes with the heel of my hand as the tears threaten to break through my toughened exterior. "I suppose it should be easier, right? I had time to prepare for his death."

"That's total crap. No one can prepare for someone they adore to die. It's just what we tell ourselves to feel better. More normal, somehow."

"He was the love of my life. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do with the rest of it now."

"I know it seems impossible to consider, but maybe you have more than one love in this life."

"No, I don't. He was it. I'm finished."

Suzanne opts not to argue the topic further. “We'll see. I don't think love is finished with you yet. Talk soon."

I head to my yoga mat after the phone call, my mind swimming with emotions. Suzanne understands my pain in a way most can't.

Even though her husband didn’t physically die, her life plans built around him crashed when he disappeared into the night. And she swore that was it for love, just as I do now.

But her life is different. She met Shawn, and they clicked. From the beginning, there was a friendship, a camaraderie there.

I haven't met anyone. Granted, to do that, I have to actually leave the house, since walking Domino around my yard doesn't count as social interaction.

I catch sight of my pup, laying on her back, her tongue lolling to one side as she soaks in a sunbeam.

Popping up from my mat, I shake her leash, and she is by my side in seconds. "Want to go for a walk? A real walk, one that involves people?”

I grab my jacket from the coat rack and follow Domino out the door. Some fresh air will do us both good, and New York is showing off this morning. Spring has sprung early.

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