Page 124 of The Diary of the Vam'pir Jacques

Polly agreed to meet the next evening. She left, jauntily walking off. Considering the smell of drink, it was obvious where the money would go, and I didn’t care. All I hoped was for the slight chance that Kierran would recognise me.

August the 20th.

I have seen Polly Nichols every night, as she aids my pretend search, and how the wicked woman lies. Polly feeds me untruths while I pay money to her. If only she knew I realised what she was. Polly is married but not living with him. The dirty wretch says that he had an affair and that she left him.

Honestly, I am not interested, but it disturbs me that Kierran’s soul has been born into this life. Polly is an alcoholic and spends what money I give her on cheap drink. She hasfivechildren, and I can’t understand how Kierran could do that to me.

Kierran and I both yearned for children, and we both died in the effort to have them.

Yet Kierran comes back as an alcoholic who sells her body for alcohol. He has his babies, and where are mine? How dare he cheapen himself like that? For thousands of years, I’ve never met his soul. When I do finally find him, this is the life that Kierran is forced to lead.

Why didn’t Kierran wait for me? Kierran must have known that I was here alive and waiting for him to rejoin me. I hate Kierran’s current existence, and I need to take him away from this cruel life.

I owe it to Kierran to try and save him. This existence undermines him and his values, and I cannot stand by and watch Kierran’s life deteriorate anymore.

So unfair. Perhaps I should walk away and leave Polly to her chosen course, but I cannot. Every time I resolve not to see Kierran, I am drawn back. This is torture and bad for my soul.

Is Kierran’s salvation possible?

???

By August 20th, Julia’s confusion escalates towards a life-altering breakdown. Julia doesn’t realise what she is doing, and I wish she had called me for help.

The debt I owed Julia was huge, and I would have helped. Julia didn’t come to me, though, and she went on to commit horrific murders and terrorise the whole of London. Julia had even attacked Elizabeth and would have killed her if I had not stopped her.

Her pain and confusion are clear in her writing. Julia had doted on and adored Kierran; he meant more than her own life. She had managed to forgive herself over his death, but Julia had never forgotten Kierran. I suppose she should not have to. However, I had anticipated Julia finding a lover, eventually. Instead, it seems Julia searched the world looking for him.

Our religion back on Kaltos declared that a soul would be reborn repeatedly until they finally reached the Creator’s side. Obviously, Julia had deeply believed in this and looked for Kierran. I suppose that if Julia had discovered Kierran’s soul ina man’s body, then she would have changed him to become one of us.

But instead, Julia found Kierran in Polly Nichols. The poor woman did not have a chance against a Vam’pir, especially one who was fast becoming insane and obsessed by her. Julia never once stopped to consider what the consequences were or what it would do to herself seeing Kierran’s soul living like this.

Julia wrote she tried to walk away, but I don’t think that she tried very hard.

If Julia couldn’t come to me, why not the others? Why hadn’t she gone to see Mihal? Julia always had been close to him. Julia may not have been able to talk to me because I was present at Kierran’s death, but Mihal was not. She may have found it easier to confide in a stranger unfamiliar with Kierran.

It really doesn’t matter now. Julia has taken her place in history known as Jack the Ripper. Meanwhile, I have taken my place in ours as the only Vam’pir to kill two of our kind. Not quite the mark I meant to have, but I suppose I won’t be easily forgotten.

It wasn’t by choice I killed Julia but out of necessity, as you, the reader, now understand. It was for the safety of Londoners—and her own peace of mind. I can see her and Kierran together again, happy and in love, and that is all that matters.

Who cares what anyone else says when I have that image to hold on to? I did the right thing. Case closed.

The next entry is dated the day before Julia killed poor Polly Nichols, and it shows the frame of Julia’s mind exactly.

August 29th.

I saw Kierran tonight, and he was with a man when I arrived. How dare Kierran split his attention between another and me?Had I not given Kierran enough money last night to get him through the next few days? I suppose he spent it on drink again. Kierran only drinks and fucks. How can I stand this anymore? Tomorrow is the last day he will live like this.

Kierran had his children, and he should have tried to be a decent mother. Instead, he drinks himself into a stupor and has sex with strangers. How can that be a good mother? I should have been the mother of his babies. I should have been the one to bear his children. Was Kierran so desperate for children that he just couldn’t wait?

We should have had them together. Together, we could have overcome the difficulties. I would have been a good mother, and Kierran denied me that chance.

How I hate him. I don’t see how I could ever have loved him. Kierran is selfish, greedy, and spiteful.

Now, he must die.

Fruitlessly, I have tried to set Kierran on the straight and narrow, but he doesn’t care about me anymore.

His eyes tell me that Kierran views me as a meal ticket. A silly chit of a girl who has more money than sense. More fool him! I’ll teach Kierran a lesson he won’t forget.

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