Page 38 of Brick

I'm utterly fucking useless.

"Get some rest. Do what you want. I'll make sure no one bothers you." I stand and walk out the door.

Looking around the empty clubhouse, I don't ever remember feeling so alone.

My heart squeezes in my chest, and I know I'm seconds away from losing it.

Quickly, I dash into Church and close the door behind me. Before I walk over to my seat and fall into it.

I suck in a deep breath, trying to calm myself, but it doesn't work.

I try to think of my next steps, but my brain doesn't cooperate. I can't be fucking logical right now. I can't think of anything but my utter and complete failure.

The air in the Church room feels heavy, suffocating. I sit alone at the long wooden table, gripping its edges like it’s the only thing keeping me grounded. Luna’s screams ring in my ears. Her pain is a constant reminder of how I failed her. I close my eyes, but it’s useless; every time I do, I hear her desperate cries.

I’ve let her down. I’ve let the woman I love down, and that realization crushes me. For the first time in years, tears spill down my cheeks, hot and unending. Each sob feels like weakness, but I can’t stop them. I thought I could protect her. It all seemed so simple when this first began. I thought I could save Wendy. Now all I have left is this crushing guilt.

The room feels too small, the walls closing in on me. I can’t breathe. I can’t think. Every time I try to focus, Luna’s wails come rushing back, raw and filled with heartache. It’s like I’m trapped in a nightmare, unable to escape.

I shake my head, trying to push the memories away, but they cling to me like a bad dream. I want to scream, to lash out at the world for its cruelty, but all I feel is the weight of my failure. I press my palms against my eyes, hoping to block it all out, but it only makes things worse.

In a burst of frustration, I jump to my feet. The table looms in front of me, heavy and solid, a symbol of my pain. With a roar of anger that erupts from deep inside, I lift the entire table, muscles straining. I flip it over, the wood scraping against the floor as it crashes down with a loud bang.

The sound echoes through the room, a release of the rage still simmering hot inside of me. I stand there, breathing hard, my heart pounding. I can’t bring Wendy back for Luna, but I can make sure those bastards pay for what they’ve done. A fire ignites inside me, fueled by grief and a need for revenge.

I look at the overturned table, feeling adrenaline rush through my veins. This is my new purpose. I won’t let Wendy’s death be for nothing. I’ll hunt down Daly. I’ll search every last corner of the earth if I have to. I’ll make him feel the pain he’s caused, and I won’t stop until I’ve given Luna the sweet revenge she deserves.

Seventeen

Luna

I don't knowhow long I've been sleeping.

Is it day or night?

I felt Brick get into bed with me last night. He held me close while I cried.

In fact, he did that the night before as well.

So, it's been two days.

Two days since I stood back and had to watch my sister be shot in the head because some asshole refuses to realize that he's already lost.

I know there was part of me that expected to lose Wendy, but I guess I never really believed it. I always thought there was a chance that we'd beat the odds again. Especially with Brick in my corner, I thought everything was going to go in our favor.

This grief feels like ice. It's holding me so tight I almost can't move. I can't breathe. All I can do is feel the hurt.

Wendy was my entire life, the only family I had left.

Now what am I going to do without her?

The realization that life is still going on without me is the only thing that gets me out of bed now.

My limbs feel heavy even though I haven't eaten in days. I put my feet on the floor and finally stand from the bed. I'm sure I look a mess, but I really don't care right now. All that matters to me is that I take a step forward. That's what Wendy would want me to do. She'd want me to keep on living. It's going to be hard, but I have to at least try to honor her in that way.

I don't hear anyone outside, and part of me wonders if everyone is being extra quiet so they don't disturb me. I feel bad that I basically barged into their lives and caused such chaos.

It's not what I meant to happen.

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