Page 197 of Irreversible

“I didn’t know what you thought.” Dropping my arm like it’s a weight, I lean over, elbows resting on my knees. The truth is flimsy, but it’s all I have. “It was almost like he didn’t exist. We were in our own world in there. You never spoke of him.”

It had been two years since her disappearance. People on the outside didn’t cross my mind—not until Jasper Cross showed up in that basement.

Surprise lifts her expression. “That’s not?—”

“Itistrue, Everly. Think about it. We didn’t talk about him. Not once.”

Visibly sifting through the memories, she shakes her head with disbelief, reliving the grief as she processes my explanation. The only sounds are the intermittent thumps from the room next door: the flow of water through pipes, the evidence of life continuing casually outside our heavy reality.

When the realization settles, she lets herself sink onto the bed. There’s a space between us. A gaping chasm I’m not invited to cross. “I thought he was dead.” Her voice is barely above a whisper. “Someone told me—” She takes a few shaky breaths, collecting herself. “I gave up. I’d already grieved him.” There’s guilt in her admission, like she could have changed the events that transpired if only she’d believed hard enough.

I could tell her it wouldn’t have changed anything. That even if she’d held on to her love like a burning candle, never letting that flame die, he still would have given up on her.

And that would have hurt even worse.

But anything I say will only serve to twist the knife. Drive her pain deeper. Push her further away.

I pull my lips between my teeth and say nothing.

I just wait.

Finally, she turns her body toward me, a wariness clouding the blue. “I feel like…like I don’t know what I feel. Why are you here, Isaac? Am I a job to you? Part of your mission?”

In the beginning, I told myself this was all just part of the job. I was here to head off Vincent and make sure she didn’t get caught in the crossfire. But the truth is, I thought about her while I hopped from continent to continent, chasing ourrevenge. In my head, she was a constant companion. I can’t deny the sense ofpossibilityI had when Tanner told me she’d divorced Jasper Cross—and the panic when I came across the murdered woman that resembled her.

I’m beginning to suspect all those days spent with the stranger on the other side of the wall altered my brain chemistry. She started feeling likemine.

Now, I can’t stay away.

So, I tell her the truth. “You’re something else entirely.”

“What does that evenmean? If you don’t want me to walk out this door, you need to give me something I can understand. All I can think is that I—” She shakes her head, barely keeping herself together enough to get the words out. “I don’t even know you.”

That fucking hurts. More than I thought it could.

I move closer. “You know me.”

All that time I spent telling her she didn’t. Why would she believe me now?

“Idon’t.”There’sa waver in her voice, but she doesn’t pull away. “Is your name even Isaac?”

I suppose that’s a fair enough question, given all the aliases I’ve told her about. “Yes.”

She huffs a humorless laugh. “Then that’s the only thing I know.”

My teeth grind, drawing her attention to my jaw before it slides down to my throat. I swallow thickly. “My name is Isaac Porter, and I was the best goddamn detective the Los Angeles Police Department had. I should have never been born, but I was, and it fucked me up. I used to drink too much—so much, it probably would have ended up killing me. My little sister saved me from self-destructing. When she disappeared, I unraveled.”

Everly lifts her hand to her mouth like it’s the only way to keep the emotions at bay. More tears stream down her cheeks until they gather in the cracks between her fingers.

“You know me, Bee. You know me better than—” My voice catches.

“Than what?”

“Than anyone alive.”

The look in her eyes is like a stab to the heart.

“I want to believe you, but I—I don’t know what to think anymore.” It’s hardly above a whisper, something I couldn’t have heard with a wall between us.

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