Page 140 of Irreversible

I’ll be fine. I’m adjusting, learning to live in the real world again. Very few people can confidently say they crawled their way out of a hell like mine, still intact and still whole. All my tainted pieces need time to heal. That doesn’t happen in three days.

I’m fine.

My chin jerks up when another presence enters the room. I hold my breath, my attention landing on my husband. He’s freshly showered, dressed to impress in a charcoal-and-white pinstripe polo, tucked into ironed black slacks. Loafers adorn his feet, as always. His hair is styled with gel, looking glossy under the lights, not a strand out of place.

Jasper freezes, glancing around like he expected me to be alone.

The energy in the room changes.

A palpable shift.

Sliding his hands into his pockets, he looks over at Allison as she quickly turns away and starts typing something on her cell phone.

Mom clears her throat, moves to the other side of the room.

I frown. It suddenly feels like I’m an outlier, the only one in the room not privy to a secret or an inside joke. The ensuing silence is painful as I stand from the bed and pull my ponytail over my shoulder, fiddling with the split ends. “Good morning. I’m a free woman, at last.” Nobody laughs. Nobody speaks. “Tough crowd,” I mutter through a strained chuckle.

Jasper finally sends me a half smile, sauntering in my direction, looking stiff and out of place. “This is a big day.”

“It is. I’m trying to decide what I should do first.” I purse my lips to the side. “I already got the exciting stuff out of the way. A shower. A clean toothbrush. Jello. I’m thinking a hot cup of coffee is next on the list.”

“I’m sure that can be arranged.”

Mom cuts in. “I have your favorite at the house. Peanut butter crunch.”

My mouth waters at the thought, my appetite creeping back to the surface.

Jasper steps closer, sweeping a hand over his slicked-back hair. “I’m on my way to the office, but I heard you were discharged. I wanted to stop by and give you a proper sendoff.”

My lips twitch. “So formal.”

His voice quiets as he glances around, then looks back at me, his throat bobbing. “Listen…I’d like to give you some space while you get back on your feet. I know this is a lot. I’m thinking we can grab dinner next week to talk. Reconnect.”

My throat buzzes like a beehive. “Sure.”

That’s not what I want.

I want to hug him. Kiss him. Sleep beside him as his heartbeats subdue my troubled mind and carry me away to sun-drenched dreams. I want to dance in the kitchen to the scent of freshly cooked breakfast and eat Chinese takeout by the crackling fireplace.

But there’s a gap between us. A rickety old bridge I can’t seem to get across without plummeting into deep, dark water. All I can do is hold on for dear life while the planks teeter precariously beneath my feet.

I reach for him. My fingers curl around his wrist, and my heart caves in on itself when he flinches and pulls back. It’s brief but damaging. A catastrophic blow to my barely stitched-back-together heart.

Regret fills his eyes. A flash of guilt. He tries to erase the misfire by pressing a hand to my bicep and giving me an apologetic squeeze.

Instinct has my eyes panning over to Allison.

I don’t know why.

I catch the way her posture stiffens, a strange look coasting across her features. Turning her back to us, she bows her head to stare down at her phone.

I glance back up at Jasper. “What’s going on?”

He winces, an involuntary reaction. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, everything got weird when you walked in.”

“You’re reading into things. You just need some time to?—”

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