Page 177 of Catch the Sun

I scold myself for being ridiculous and slam my eyes shut once again, shaking off the feeling.

Three minutes turn into four and the song ends, leaving me cold and alone. My eyelids flutter back open, my gaze landing on cheerful faces and enthusiastic fist pumps through the air as fellow patrons celebrate my one-person dance performance. I force a smile and take a small bow before traipsing off the dance floor, already craving the next three minutes.

“You make that look cathartic,” Anderson notes, refilling my watered-down soda. “When I dance, my wife tells me I look like a malfunctioning Roomba banging against the wall over and over.”

My fingers curl around the edge of the bar as I attempt to envision the analogy. I can’t. Breathing out a laugh, I offer him a shrug. “I never used to like dancing. I never liked attention on me, or bright lights, or big crowds.”

“What changed?”

My smile turns watery. “A boy.”

“Ah. Always is.” He presses forward on the bar with both palms and tilts his head. “You look like you’re entirely somewhere else when you dance,” he muses. “Where do you go?”

With a slow exhale, I reach for the glass, finger the straw, then glance back up at him. “Back to that boy.”

I make my way home a little after midnight and step inside the RV, flipping on a light and veering toward the miniature bedroom at the far end. After slipping into a pair of cozy pajamas, gulping down a glass of water, and brushing my hair and teeth, I pull my notebook out of a tiny desk drawer and reach for a pen.

Inside the notebook is a list.

It’s a list of all the things Max wanted me to do.

Meet new people.

Learn to skip stones.

Watch every sunrise and every sunset.

Find a bridge and toss sticks into streams.

Dance, no matter who’s watching.

Read as many books as you can.

Make lists.

Drink Dr Pepper.

Ride horses until you can’t catch your breath.

Uncapping the blue pen, I add another checkmark in the columns under “dance” and “drink Dr Pepper.” Then, with a melancholic smile, I tuck the notebook back in the drawer and crawl into bed.

Checkmarks #122 and #146.

Chapter 44

Ella

“Ahh, you look amazing!”

Brynn’s chipper voice is music to my ears as I lie back in the grass, my face tipped to the sky and my phone held out in front of me. “Thank you. It was a fun day.”

“I hope you had the best birthday ever, bestie! I wish I could have been there with you.” Her bright smile droops, momentarily morphing into a pout before beaming again. “Kai had that art show tonight.”

“I know, that’s so exciting,” I say with a grin, watching as Kai comes into view on the phone screen.

He raises his hand with a wave, then sweeps back his bangs. “Happy birthday, Ella.”

“Thanks, Kai. Congrats!”

---