Page 157 of Catch the Sun

Five days.

Five days since Jonah killed McKay.

Ricardo comes over to comfort my grieving mother, and Brynn stops by with sweets to comfort us both.

As for me, each day is a struggle to reconcile the conflicting emotions swirling within me. There’s a profound sorrow for Max that cuts deep, leaving behind jagged edges of pain and confusion. Yet, beneath the grief, a simmering anger brews, fueled by the realization that Jonah trulywascapable of such violence and darkness.

He always was.

Mixed with the anger is a battling of feelings toward my mother. I grapple with the frustration that she, in her unwavering belief in Jonah’s innocence, inadvertently became an accomplice to the nightmare that unfolded. I can’t help but feel a pang of resentment, wondering if her blind faith in him clouded her judgment and pulled all of us deeper into this web of heartbreak.

The failed casseroles serve as a reminder of this fractured reality we now inhabit. With each meal, I taste the bitterness as I navigate through the days like a ghost in my own home, all too aware of the daunting task of rebuilding my life once again.

On the fifth night, I startle in bed when I hear a tapping sound at my newly installed bedroom window that Chevy replaced for me.

My heart fumbles.

It can’t be…

I slide off the bed and walk over to the window, my heartbeats tangling with raw hope.

But when I look outside, I don’t see anything. There’s no one there.

Only my hollow reflection stares back at me.

Chapter 38

Ella

A month rolls by and spring melts into hot summer.

I stay with Brynn most days, sleeping in her spare bedroom. Sometimes I find my way to her room at night and crawl in bed with her, loneliness clawing at me, nightmares soiling my dreams.

She never makes me leave. She just holds my hand and we cry together.

Ricardo moved in with my mother last week, so I don’t feel too guilty for needing space. Living across the street from Max was too painful. Living a few yards away from a murder scene was too much for my heart to take when it hadn’t fully healed in the first place.

I’m sitting at the Fishers’ black eclectic dining room table on a balmy June evening, stabbing my fork into a heap of shepherd’s pie. It resembles brown mush, but the few bites I’ve managed to swallow down taste great. Way better than Mom’s casseroles.

Pete eyes me across the table. “We added extra carrots just for you,” he says.

My stomach clenches.

My potted crayon is sitting on the nightstand in the guest room, a constant reminder of everything I’ve lost. “Thank you. I appreciate it.”

“You should talk to him, Ella-Bella,” Matty chimes in.

I inhale sharply, my fork clattering to my plate.

My jaw rolls, my hands shaking as they wring together in my lap.

“Daddio,” Brynn interrupts, tenderly bumping her knee to mine. “It’s complicated.”

“True. It’s more complicated than a Rubik’s Cube in the dark.” Matty pops a green bean in his mouth. “But it’s not impossible. I’ve done it. Not this, of course—heavens above, not this. I meant the Rubik’s Cube. The evidence is proudly displayed above our bed in a glass case.”

A smile hints, despite myself. “I tried…but he said he needed space,” Imurmur. “And time.”

Brynn rubs my back with affection. “I think we all need time,” she says, voice cracking on the words. “I still can’t believe he’s gone. I can’t believe he was here and now he’s gone, and not only is he gone, but we’re left with the horrible truth of what he did before he left.” Her hand falls away from me. “I feel like I’m grieving the loss of him in multiple ways. McKay had his faults, but I never thought he’d… God, I never—”

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