Page 138 of Catch the Sun

Bending, he presses a soft kiss to the marred skin, only pausing when he feels me shaking. His lips fall away from me as he lifts his head and stares up at the expanse of my shivering body while my silent sobs mangle the intimate moment.

The pleasure is gone, replaced by grief-soaked memories.

“Sunny Girl,” he murmurs on a tortured breath, army crawling the rest of the way up until we’re face-to-face. “Ella…God. Please don’t cry. You’re safe.I’m here.”

I wrap my arms around his neck and haul him to me, shoving his face to the curve of my neck and twining my legs around his waist. Minutes tick by in silence and my tears dry out, my pain retreating into its dark, bleak hole, having sapped me of strength like a parasite draining its host.

The moment is over. Time presses on and a single word hovers on the tip of my tongue.

Stay.

I want to say it, scream it, brand it on his heart.

Stay, stay, stay.

But all I muster is the gravest lie. “Go.”

Max freezes on top of me, a breath catching in his throat. It whispers like a ghostly chill along my neck when he lets it back out.

He pulls up, stares down at me.

My lip wobbles as I tell him, “You should go.” I can see a baffled frown twist, illuminated by the soft moonlight seeping into the room.

He swallows. “You don’t want me to stay?”

“Mom will be checking on me. It’s not smart.”

“Ella, I don’t care—”

“Thank you,” I blurt out. The words sound awful and grating. Selfish. Like he provided me with a service and now I’m sending him on his way. “I’m sorry. I just…I think I should try to sleep now. I’ll text you tomorrow.”

Head falling, chin lowering to his chest, he blows out another hard breath, stewing in my dismissal. Then he nods and pulls away from me. “Yeah,” he mutters. “Sure.”

Nothing else is said as he moves off the mattress and pads across the floor to my window. He hesitates briefly, just for a second, swiping a hand through his hair before he climbs out the window and fades into the darkness.

The routine continues on for the next two nights.

Max slips into my bedroom through the open window after midnight and takes me apart with his tongue and his fingers. Then I vibrate with tears in the breadth of his arms as he strokes my hair, shushes my demons, and tells me it will be okay. I let him hold me for a few minutes, savoring his touch. Hiswarmth. His love. Reveling in the few precious seconds I allow us.

But the seconds pass and I send him away under the guise that my mother will discover him in my bed come sunrise. He knows that’s not the reason. He doesn’t know what the real reason is, but he knows it’s not that.

Max can’t stay because I’m afraid of the words that will tumble from my lips.

I’m terrified of the truth that will escape my mouth when I fall into grisly nightmares. I fear that when I startle awake in the night, I’ll think he’s someone else.

And I’ll be scared of him.

I never want to be scared of him.

So I don’t let him stay.

I make him leave. I push him away, even though it breaks us both.

And I count down the painful minutes until he returns.

Chapter 32

Ella

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