Page 132 of Catch the Sun

But I don’t press the matter. I don’t beg for more than what she’s giving me.

I just hold her.

And I pretend we’re on the bridge again, dancing and kissing underneath the stars, forever caught in that moment of stopped time.

***

McKay stands from his seat the moment he spots me rounding the corner. “Hey,” he mutters, tousling his shaggy hair, looking just as fidgety as me.

I don’t say anything as I zip past him and barrel through the double doors into the warm sunshine. His footsteps catch up to me. He calls my name as I dig through my pockets for a pack of cigarettes.

I went months without smoking. I always knew it was a bad habit, but it lessened my burdens and eased my stress. Then Ella came along, andshebecame my reprieve. Instead of reaching for a cigarette, I reached for her.

But nothing good ever seems to last.

“Max,” he says again, latching onto my elbow to halt my quickening gait through the parking lot. “How is she? What did she say?”

“You can go ask her yourself,” I reply, my answer muffled around the paper and nicotine. Smoke fills my lungs with sweet relief and I blow it back out through my nostrils. “You’ll probably make more progress than me at thispoint. Let me know how it goes.” I try to keep walking, but he pulls me back.

“She didn’t say anything?”

I sigh, finally turning to look at him. My brother looks pale, the sun brightening the sheen of sweat casing his brow. “Not really. She hardly says anything to me.”

He releases a slow exhale, his shoulders slackening. “That’s…so weird,” he says. “Do you think she has amnesia? Lost memories?” McKay stares off over my shoulder, shuffling on both feet.

“According to the doctors, she remembers everything.”

Which is why none of this makes any sense.

Nodding slowly, he rubs a hand across his jaw. “Fuck, man. That’s gotta suck. I can’t imagine having to live with those memories…” He swallows, ducks his head. “Falling off a cliff like that. Waiting for someone to find you. Not knowing if you were going to make it or not.”

My heart aches, my stomach coiling with fresh knots.

I can’t think about that. The images haunt me enough in my dreams.

“Let’s go,” I mumble, tucking my misery away. I take a few more hard drags off my cigarette before stomping it beneath my shoe. “We should check on Dad, then try to figure out that electrical issue with the wiring.”

McKay has been surprisingly helpful over the last couple of months with the home improvements and helping me take Dad to a slew of doctor appointments as we try to get to the bottom of his strange behavior. His initial hospital visit was put off by a few weeks due to Ella’s fall. But then, after a trip to the emergency room that came on the heels of another bizarre night terror—one that earned McKay a bruising slug to the jaw—the tests came back inconclusive. We were referred to a specialist and still have another appointment on the horizon.

We don’t have answers, but they’ve ruled out a lot. Vitamin deficiencies, thyroid problems, a brain tumor, various neurological conditions. The relief I feel when nothing serious is revealed always shrivels up and dies the moment Dad has another episode. Last night he was convinced Rick was outside, lurking in the bushes. He made us turn off all the lights and lock the doors as he hid underneath the kitchen table, armed with a baseball bat.

The stress is eating me alive.

Ella. Dad. Knowing high school will be over soon and I have no fucking clue what I’m doing with my life. No college aspirations, no grand plans, and no Ella to guide me through the terrifying unknowns. I’ve never felt more beaten down and defeated.

McKay follows me to the truck as we hop inside and I rev the engine.

“It’ll be okay,” he says to me, leaning back in the seat and staring out the window, his expression tight. His knees bounce up and down as he repeats, “It’ll be okay.”

I don’t reply as I reverse out of the parking space and speed off into the deceptive sunlight.

In another life, I might believe him.

Chapter 31

Ella

Home sweet home.

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