Page 131 of Catch the Sun

“I’m never too busy for you, Sunny.”

She swallows hard. “They said I’m almost ready to go home.”

Home.

There was a time when I imagined that I was becoming her home. Somehow, I don’t think that’s the case anymore. “That’s great news.”

“Yeah.”

The chitchat eats at me. My skin itches from head to toe and all I want to dois fall to my knees in front of her, bury my face in her lap, and feel her fingerssink into my hair like they used to. I want to breathe in her scent. Oranges and sunshine. I want to gather her in my arms and carry her home…to a home that includes me.

Leaning forward on my elbows, I scrub my hands over my face and leave them there as I try not to have an emotional breakdown across from her. “Ella. Talk to me.”

“I am talking to you,” she whispers.

“This isn’t talking. This isn’t us. Something broke between us and I don’t know how to fix it.” I lift my chin and steeple my fingers. “Did I do something wrong?”

Her eyes are wide and wild as she shakes her head. “No, you didn’t do anything wrong. I’m just…not myself. I’m trying to reacclimate and that takes time.”

The words don’t ring true. “I see the way you are with your mother. With Brynn and Kai. It’s like nothing changed with them, but with me…” Emotion catches in my throat. “It feels like everything changed.”

“That’s not true.”

“Are your memories misfiring somehow? Are there gaps, missing pieces? I’ve been racking my brain, trying to figure out why there’s this wall between us. If you need a reminder, I can do that.”

“Max…” She shakes her head, flattening her lips.

“I’ll tell you about the way we played Pooh sticks on the bridge, and how I taught you how to skip stones across the lake. You couldn’t skip them, but my heart nearly exploded just watching you try, watching you laugh and smile like nothing else mattered. Only that moment mattered…that moment with me.”

I pause to catch my breath. “I’ll tell you about the concert and how you laughed through your tears on the ride over, looking so goddamn free, so perfectly at peace as our hands locked together and music sang through the speaker. And how I held you against my chest as the band played, my arms around you, my lips grazing your ear. I wanted to kiss you so fucking badly it physically hurt. And I’ll tell you about that night on the bridge when I did kiss you. Time stopped, Ella. The world stopped. Everything stopped,” I confess. “Anddammit…sometimes I wish it really did. I wish it stopped right then and there, freezing the moment, so I could hold on to you forever, just as you were. Just aswewere.”

I don’t even realize tears are sliding down my cheeks until they pool at the corner of my lips. I lick them away, heaving in a shuddering breath as I choke on the final words. “We were happy.”

Ella stares at me with glassy eyes, the bouquet of roses shaking in her lap. Her lips part with quick, uneven breaths as tears pool, her cheeks glowing light pink.

My heart drags over broken glass when she doesn’t respond. She doesn’t say anything and just gapes at me like I spouted off the Declaration of Independence in French. “Fuck,” I curse under my breath, swiping both hands over my face, erasing the evidence of my pain. “Sorry. I’ll go.”

“Max…”

I stand from the chair and pivot to leave.

“Max, don’t go,” she cries out. “I do remember. I remember everything.”

I pause, facing away from her. I rub the back of my neck and dip my chin, unsure what to do. Two months have whirled by in this painful purgatory and I have no idea how to fix it.

Swallowing, I slowly spin to face her. “If you need space…time…” I begin, watching her lips quiver with emotion. “I can do that. I’ll wait. But if it’s over…just tell me. Say it. Make it quick.”

Tears trickle down her cheeks as she clutches the bouquet to her chest. Thenshe lifts a hand to me, beckoning me forward.

Biting down on my lip, I release a strained sigh as my legs carry me toward her. I sink down in the chair across from her and pull it forward until we’re inches apart. Our knees kiss. My hands reach out to take hers and I bring them to my lips, peppering kisses along her dry knuckles.

Ella pulls free and wraps her arms around my neck, tugging me close.

I practically moan at the contact. At the feel of her face burrowing in the crook of my neck. I hold her. I hug her. I squeeze her tight, feeling her slight frame mold against me. Warm and alive. Small but strong.

She never does answer me.

She doesn’t tell me if it’s over, or if she just needs space.

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