A buzz of anticipation shoots through me while I rummage around my purse for my car keys, then pace over to the driver’s side door. Parker follows suit, climbing in and throwing me a brief glance as he secures his seatbelt. His woodsy scent permeates the small space, smelling of hot springs, cedarwood, and freshly fallen leaves. It’s masculine and intoxicating, and it makes my skin flush to a feverish level.
God, this is crazy. This feeling—so familiar, yet so foreign. I’m desperately trying to move forward, Iwantto move forward, but every time my belly clenches and my heart gallops, it feels like a slap in the face to Charlie. A disloyalty.
Spit on his grave.
My hands curl around the steering wheel, gripping tightly, my teeth burrowing into my bottom lip. This trip to the lake is about letting go. It’s about progressing, forging ahead—healing.
Accepting, as Amelia said.
Accepting that Charlie is never coming back, and I can stay committed to his ghost, weighed down by the heavy anchors of “what could have been”… or I can push through the high tide.
I can swim.
Parker settles into his seat, propping his ankle up on the opposite knee. He flicks his gaze over me, studying my idleness. “You good?”
Not yet.
But I will be.
I send him a reassuring smile and start the engine. “I’m good.”
The sun is barely peeking over the horizon when we arrive at the lake, coloring the rippled water in shades of apricot and blush. It was a relatively quiet car ride as my playlist serenaded us with a mix ofSilversun PickupsandCigarettes After Sex. Mood music, bordering on sensual. Probably not the smartest choice, considering my body already feels like it’s being firebombed every time Parker glances my way.
Heaving out a breath of personal encouragement, I exit the parked vehicle, relishing in the way the summer breeze skims my face and sends my hair into a tizzy. It’s a tepid wind, the kind that reeks of nostalgia and hidden promises. It’s the perfect evening to give my fears a worthy send-off and dive headfirst into the future I deserve.
With Charlie…
And without him.
It’s all about finding the balance—cherishing his memory and carrying those precious moments with me, while not allowing them to sink me and swallow me whole.
The water calls to me with quiet enchantment, compelling me to rush forward and kick off my sandals as sand and pebbles dig into my feet. My blood is spiked with giddiness, so I turn around, pacing backwards while I wave my arms at Parker. He’s perched idle at the front of my car, watching me with hooded curiosity. “Come with me.”
I know he said he wouldn’t, he’d only tag along, but I’m certain he’s riddled with his own fears, his own personal demons. We can wash them away together.
Parker shakes his head. “I’ll watch.”
“Are you sure?” I send him a glowing smile, my heart thumping as my feet continue their backward trek.
“Yeah.”
I try not to let my disappointment hinder this feeling. Thisrelease. My smile holds strong as I nod my head and twist back around to face the water.
As I approach the water’s edge, I’m flooded with a past memory of Charlie. The recollection burns me as I inch closer to the shoreline, the sand turning wet beneath my soles. We came to this very lake a week before my entire world turned to ashes and soot. He held me fiercely, his arms encircling my waist from behind while the stars reflected off the surface of the water.
“It’s almost our anniversary,” he said, tightening his grip on me.
“I can’t believe it. It feels like our story is only just beginning.”
He kissed the top of my head, just a delicate whisper. “Remember what I told you on our wedding day?”
“Hmm, I’m pretty sure it was something along the lines of,I love this dress, but I can’t wait to get you out of it.”
Charlie’s chuckle rumbled through me, vibrating my skin. “Accurate, but not what I had in mind.”
I smiled knowingly. “I can’t wait to love you forever, Mrs. March.”
“That’s right.” He lowered his head to the crook of my shoulder, pressing his lips to the exposed crest. “Forever doesn’t seem long enough, does it?”