Page 93 of Lotus

“Close your eyes now. Your arm is coming down, slowly… very slowly…”

My arm starts to slip, my mind fuzzy, eyes closing.

“Once your arm is fully relaxed, the rest of you will enter an intense state of relaxation. Let your arm continue to fall slowly. Let your mind fall with it, deeper and deeper…

I feel myself fading away.

“Deeper, deeper… deeper…”

“Why can’t I be on your team, Syd?”

“Because Oliver and Sydney are always on the same team. You know this.”

“Because I like him more than you!”

A flash.

I’m looking around the front yard and it’s all a blur of motion and sound, laughter and squeals.

Mr. Neville and Travis are sharing a beer on the front porch.

Lorna Gibson is laughing with my mother.

Lorna’s husband, Edgar, is circling the lawn with an old camera, taking photographs.

Something happened this day. I feel uncomfortable. My skin prickles with dread.

Dr. Malloy’s soothing voice bleeds into my subconscious. “You’ve had a protective shield up, but now you have total recall at will. Reach in and peel away every block, every layer, everything that is keeping you from these important memories. When you feel the block returning, inhale a deep, slow breath, and that block will begin to fade.”

I breathe in deep, but the moment slips. “I-I lost it…”

“Shh. Remembering is your only priority right now. There is no more struggle.”

Suddenly, I’m standing in my kitchen. A different memory comes to life.

I’m crying. I’m sad. I’m screaming.

My mother tries to console me.

Her eyes are light brown, chestnut and copper.

Her eyes are like mine.

She’s speaking, but I can’t hear her words. I’m crying too hard.

I’m frantic.

“I’m scared.”

“Sweetheart, tell me what’s wrong. Tell me what happened.”

I don’t know. I don’t know.

“You are retrieving new information. You have total recall at will. Everything you have seen or experienced is available to you. Everything you’ve heard or felt—it’s right there,” Dr. Malloy says.

I’m at the park with Sydney.

She’s so beautiful, like sunshine and watermelon on a hot day.

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