Page 73 of Lotus

I squeeze his hand. “Adapting and thriving are two very different things.”

This time I look away, unprepared for him to see the vulnerability spewing out of me. I feel his fingers twitch, threaded with mine, our heated proximity somehow rivaling the frigid temperature.

Oliver releases me then, grasping the raccoon between both palms and holding her up, her tiny arms and legs splaying outward. “Goodbye, Athena. Safe travels.” He places the animal onto the ground and takes a small step back. “Run free, now.”

Athena paces toward Oliver and circles her arms around his calf, standing up on her hind legs, as if she’s trying to climb him.

“I think she wants to stay,” I chuckle, touched by their bond.

Oliver doesn’t seem to share my reaction. He lets out a breath of frustration mixed with grief and tugs her arms away from his leg. She clutches him again instantly. “Athena, you must go. You can’t stay where you don’t belong.”

Why is my heart suffocating every time he speaks? Why am I reading into his words?

If the shoe fits.

We haven’t spent much time together over the last few days, and the holiday was a welcome distraction for us both. Thanksgiving was spent with our respective families, save for some late night pumpkin pie with my two favorite men next door. I stopped by that evening, after I returned home from my parents’ house, and situated myself between Gabe and Oliver on the living room couch while we inhaled whipped cream-doused pie. It’s been a yearly tradition between me and Gabe: gorging on pie and watchingThe Santa Clauseto welcome in the Christmas season. I was so thankful Oliver took part in our tradition this year, even though we didn’t talk much or cuddle up together like we usually do. The gratitude was simply in his presence. His second chance.

His survival.

But that distance between us is killing me, sucking me dry, and I know it’s my fault.

If only he understood this was for his own good.

“Maybe I can talk Gabe into letting you keep her,” I offer, my insides cinching at the display. Gabe wasnothappy to come home and find the house destroyed. The main couch, the one I recall picking out with my mother and Charlene many years ago, fared better than some of the other furniture. The loveseat needed replacing, along with the dining room chairs. Luckily, Travis chipped in and helped with the unforeseen costs. Oliver felt terrible.

He’s quick to dismiss the suggestion. “No, this is the right thing to do. Athena needs to be on her own. I can’t be her crux forever.”

Okay. This is hitting way too close to home. “Hey…” I snatch his hand back up, the raccoon still curled around his leg. “Is there anything you want to talk about?”

Oliver falters, his eyes making a languid shift from Athena to myself. A slow dance. His jaw tightens with words he refuses to let out. “Thank you, but I’m all right.”

I force a nod through the sting, releasing his hand. “Okay. But I hope you know, I’m here. I’ll always be here.”

“I appreciate that, Sydney.” Oliver returns his attention to the raccoon, bending down to pluck the limbs from his ankle. “Go now, Athena. I insist.”

The animal hesitates, then turns away and darts toward the trees. She only pauses once, twisting around and lifting her little hands like a send-off, before disappearing beyond the brush.

I can’t help my eyes from welling. “She really loves you.”

“Yes,” Oliver says softly, his gaze still fixed ahead. “But not all love is meant to stay. Sometimes it only serves a temporary purpose.”

My eyelids flutter closed, a few rebel tears leaking through. I swipe them away, shivering at the chill they leave behind.

“Have a nice weekend, Syd.”

Oliver moves to leave, and my instincts reach for him, my hand curling around his wrist before he can get too far. “Please don’t hate me. I won’t survive it.”

My words catch him, pulling him back to me with pinched brows, a look of horror etched across his face. “Hate you? God, I could never… why would you think that?”

“I…” His pained eyes seize the words from my lips, making me feel like a fool.Pathetic. Shaking my head through a self-deprecating laugh, I glance away, still holding onto him. “Sorry. I think my hormones are out of whack.”

A twitch of his mouth, and then, “There’s nothing you could do that would ever make me hate you, Syd.Nothing.” Oliver trails his knuckles along my jaw, pulling a sigh from us both. “Please know that.”

My whole body lights up like a Christmas tree. A goddamn heat wave.Polar vortex be damned. Gaze floating back to his, I shuffle my feet against the grass, inching closer. His cheeks are stained in light pink, kissed from the cold, his eyes searching me for something. His hair is a delicious display of bedhead, and I want nothing more than to run my fingers through the copper-streaked strands. I clench my hands into fists to avoid doing that very thing, inadvertently tugging him closer. “Oliver…”

“Go inside and warm up. It’s quite cold out.”

His hand drops from my cheek and I let go of his wrist, undecided if it’s better this way or if I want him to warm me up himself. “Yeah… okay.”

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